Right Here

Chapter 4

It was finally the weekend and I was glad for it. The case was over which meant no unnecessary back and forth emails. I was curled on my couch with a glass of wine watching my favorite movies as rain hammered on the windows in the background. I thought I would have been content but there had been an ache in my chest all day that I couldn't shake. 

That empty feeling I always got when I remembered how alone I was. I did my best to rid my mind of the idea that I needed companionship, but I wanted it. This was the feeling that always sent me back to Jongin even though I knew it wasn't a good idea. It always ended up the same. He knew how much I craved being wanted and used that to his advantage. Even now, knowing how manipulative he was, I couldn't help to think of the days where he agreed to come over. We would order in, watch movies, and cuddle. After all he put me through, I knew I wouldn't be ready for a romantic relationship any time soon. Jongin broke me down in more ways than I thought. 

As Junmyeon put it, and as I fervently denied, I was too desperate for any type of companionship. I tried to convince myself that the one-night stand proved I didn't need to be in a relationship and that I could have fun once in a while, but I couldn't deny that it left me feeling empty. Craving more. Would I keep having one-night stands until what Jongin broke was finally fixed and I could stand to trust someone again? That didn't seem likely. But I needed something.

I glanced at my phone, thinking of who I could call to momentarily fill this emptiness. I would prefer a romantic prospect but platonic friendships could do for now. I thought of Sophia. I hadn't heard from her since that night. I sent her messages multiple times asking if we could talk and called her as well in an attempt to apologize for my behavior. She was only looking out for me. I was in the wrong. But she never answered and never responded. She was still fairly active on social media which at least told me that she was alive and well. I wasn't going to keep chasing though. Ever since I left the firm, our friendship had been drifting. Maybe that weekend was the final pull needed to rip us completely apart. I couldn't even convince myself that I was upset about it. I was used to losing friendships. It was a miracle we lasted this long after I switched companies.

Anya and Junmyeon were just work friends. I wanted to keep it that way because of how I saw things turning out with Sophia. Plus, once Jongin and I started dating and people found out, "friends" started leaving. Some, I came to find out, added to his cheat count. Once in a while I went to happy hour with the two, and Minseok, but that's as far as it went. I did, however, attend Junmyeon's engagement party last year. He even invited me to his place for dinner a few times since but I always found an excuse. Although I was very happy for him, I had to admit I was a bit bitter about love and didn't know how much I could stand when it came to being in the presence of other people's relationships when I craved one for myself so badly. I told myself that if he asked again, I would accept. Maybe just having friends for now would suffice.

I then thought of white hair – Baekhyun. The spur of the moment decision that left me hazy for days. Until I found out he worked at my firm. I shuddered thinking about how I had fantasized about us meeting again. Wondering if maybe he could have been the one to bring me out of my slump and be hopeful of dating again. Maybe we would have dated. Those thoughts burned up quickly upon discovering he was the litigator I had been in contact with. There were just too many similarities with him and Jongin. Their jobs, the way they carried themselves, the fact that we worked under the same building. Although something about Baekhyun's personality seemed slightly different, there would be no way we could date. It would be too much of a similar situation with Jongin and I wasn't going to do that to myself.

"Brielle, I have a favor to ask." Darryl said as he entered my office without knocking. He was lucky I liked him as a manager.
"What do you need?" I stopped reviewing the document in front of me to give him my full attention. Once in a while he would ask me to take on an extra assignment or lend a helping hand to a co-worker, and I would agree because he wouldn't abuse my willingness to help and he would offer me the same. He took a seat in the chair across from my desk.