𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 જ⁀➴๋࣭ ⭑๋࣭ ⭑

06

#006

a chest i store
at the bottom of the deepest sea,
locked tightly with a key
no one has ever found.

with every season,
the mechanism gives way and rusts.
and my secrets leak out
into the great unknown.

at the bottom of that chest lies my heart,
crushed not only by the pressure of the sea,
but by the weight of all i carry.
how cruel can the world be?

the whisperings of fate,
of pain and agony,
of love and joy,
begin to dissipate across the great ocean floor.

and i rejoice,
hurrah!
for my heart feels lighter,
and the chest can be used once more.

but at the back of my mind,
the concern that i have unleashed
a monster.
the guilt looms over me.

and so i sit there,
frozen in place
untill i can be sure
no monsters come.

#006- afterword

this poem SCREAMSSS people pleaser HAHAHHA. at least, to me it does.

i thought about writing bout grief, and how the smallest thing can set you off. but as i wrote, it veered further and further from that- honestly im not sure it even came out good. in the end, im left with a poem/prose/wtv this is about anxiety and the heaviness of opening up.

personally, im a closed off person. sure i appear bright and cheery, but at my core im just a small little kid who twiddles their thumbs as their mom yells at them over and over that this is all their fault. I've never been able to talk about my feelings with anyone because i feel guilty, that somehow by saying it im evading the responsibility of the emotion/problem and passing it off to someone else to fix. thats my monster, that somehow by sharing my feelings im burdening someone else to deal with the aftermath because somehow everything is my fault. and so instead of dealing with the trauma of being a scapegoat in a dysfunctional family, i instead become the people pleaser who allows their emotions and thoughts to overwhelm them. because god forbid i ever be a burden to others.