Letters To My Past Lover

My Worst Mistakes

His POV

My whole life has been written out for me by my parents. They have a million expectations of me. They want me to go to college and major in data science like my dad did but that is not what I want. Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to race cars. My favorite NASCAR driver is Jeff Gordon, he is one of the most important drivers in NASCAR's existence. He had 93 wins, including four Cup Series championships in 1995, 1997, 1998, and 2001. He led an outstanding 24,936 laps in his Cup Series career. People say there will never be another Gordon because no one will ever elevate the sport like he did during his time.

I always wanted to be the next Jeff Gordon, but now I want to be better than him and beat his record for 93 wins while making the top five greatest drivers of all time list. My dad thinks that racing is a hobby and not a career. My parents and I constantly fight about my future. My older brother Henry went to college and majors in data science like my dad so now they want me to do the same.

I played soccer so I would have an excuse not to be home all the time. I met my best friend Liam in the first grade, he's a nice guy and a supportive person, he is everything I'm not. We both played junior soccer together. We met Jacob in middle school. Jacob is a smart-mouthed asshole but he's still a good friend for the most part. We all decided to play soccer together in high school. That's when we met Mason, he's kinda geeky but overall a cool person. Mason introduced me to her....

Iyanna miller

She was breathtakingly beautiful, she had the most beautiful freckles and a cute button nose. I couldn't help but stare at her every chance I got. I'd never seen anyone like her before. She was kind and compassionate. She took my breath away every time she walked into the room

I couldn't speak to her at first I was too nervous but on the day of the last game I had Liam tie my laces in an impossible knot, he used to be a Boy Scout so he was good a tying knots. I needed to get her attention. When I saw her I called her name, I love the way it rolled off my tongue. She looked at at me with those beautiful brown eyes, I almost forgot what I wanted to ask her. "Iyanna I need your help", the biggest smile formed on her face and I felt my heart beating faster. I wanted to make her smile all the time.

After she untied the knot, I knew I couldn't let her go. We talked every day and night for 2 years. My home life was stressful and chaotic, she was the light at the end of my very dark tunnel. Talking to her was the highlight of my day. We had talked about going to the senior sunrise. I wanted everyone to know she was mine. My Life finally felt perfect, I had my girlfriend and my best friends. That was the best day of my life. Everything was perfect

Until it wasn't

It was the day of prom, I had just texted Iyanna to confirm the limo. The night before I had crashed my car after I went racing with Jacob. My dad was pissed, he wouldn't let me drive. My move offers to drive me to my haircut appointment. The whole car ride she was yelling about how irresponsible I was, she kept saying "What did we do wrong". I yelled back at her and told her to stop the car, she slammed hard on the brakes and I got out. She was parked in the middle of the road yelling all me to come back. I started walking towards the Crosswalk on the intersection, she drove up to me and begged me to get in the car. Just as I looked up from my phone, me and my mom locked eyes as she told me to get back in the car and before I could blink a semi-truck rammed into the back of her, ejecting my mom from the car.

I was in so much shock that I just stood there until the ambulance arrived and lifted her lifeless body from the side of the road. I immediately ran to be by her side and squeezed her hand but she didn't squeeze back. My dad runs to the desk for answers while Henry runs to me, he asks if I'm okay. My dad broke up our hug and asked what happened. I explained the whole story to them then I felt a hand hit my face, my body hit the ground, and I felt a foot hit my chest. I hear Henry yelling to get my dad to stop, but he doesn't. I lay there as he kicked me repeatedly saying the same thing over and over, "I hate you, this is all your fault". I didn't bother the fight back cause he was right. I'm the reason why this happened.

It's all my fault

My dad and Henry walked to my mom's room. I couldn't bear to see her so I stayed in the lobby. I checked my phone and I saw 10 missed calls from Liam & Jacob and 15 missed calls from Iyanna. I had completely forgotten about prom and Iyanna. What kind of boyfriend forgets the most important day for the girl they love. My heart broke thinking about her being sad or disappointed, I couldn't take it if she hated me too but I can't be the person she deserves. She is worth more than I can give her. I decided to break up with her through text, I couldn't see her face that would break me.

The Text

Iyanna, You have been the light I needed for a long time and meeting you was the best moment of my life. You are my forever person and it breaks my heart to say this but we have to break up. I can't be the man you deserve rn. My mom is dead and it's all my fault. I can't be your boyfriend rn , I can't be anyone's anything rn . I'm sorry and I love you forever and always.

My heart breaks as I'm writing the text. I knew she was gonna try to text or call me so I had to block her on everything. I needed her to be free. This is the only way I could make sure that she moves on and finds someone better. I can feel the tears flowing. Henry comes out of my mom's room crying and he says "She gone, Theo, she's gone". I lost two people that I loved on the same day and it was my fault. I could feel my chest start to feel heavy and I fell to the floor. It feels like time stopped and I'm falling. In three hours I broke the love of my life's heart, killed my mom, broke my brother's heart, and disappointed my dad once again. I knew what had to be done

I left the hospital and never looked back. I never saw Iyanna, Henry, Liam, Jacob, or my dad again. I just disappeared never to be heard from. It was better that way

I would never have to be surrounded by my worst mistakes ever again