Troubled Thoughts

two

Patrick

Being back at the hospital also meant being closer to Pete again. Patrick didn't know what made him want to avoid that man. Because he actually liked him... maybe it was too much for him to see Pete lying there. A nurse told him that Pete refused to eat since he's at the hospital and that made Patrick worry even more. At least the blood tests were okay.

Patrick held the patient record in his hand and stood in front of the door to room 205 behind which he would find Pete. He stood there for a minute...two minutes...five... Why was it so hard to enter this damn room? What was he fearing? He didn't want to admit it, but he was released when, after ten solid minutes of staring at a door his beeper went off and he had to rush to the OP. He's never been so thankful for someone to need a surgery!

The whole day Patrick somehow managed to avoid room 205. Apparently someone else already checked on the patients on Pete's corridor while Patrick was in the OP so he didn't have to do that. He was desperately waiting for his shift to be over. Patrick wasn't sure if he ever drank so much coffee in one day, partly to compensate his lack of sleep from the night before. His thoughts kept him up all night. Pete was different than any other patient Patrick ever had. And he didn't know whether that was good or bad. He never wanted to help and comfort someone so badly and avoid them at the same time. But that was stupid because Pete should be just like any other patient. But he definitely wasn't. He left a lasting impression.

Patrick wanted to talk to Frank about it, but he wasn't at the hospital today. But maybe Frank could help. Frank can always help. Because Frank knows how to cope. But he wouldn't see his friend until the next day. At least Patrick made it through this one without talking to Pete, even though he wasn't sure if that was good or not.

Pete

On day three of Patrick's absence Sarah was back. That was good, cause apart from Patrick Sarah was the only person Pete would talk to properly.

He asked her about Patrick. At least he was at the hospital... maybe he would come over today. He was just busy the other day, right? That's why he didn't come back... Bullshit, Pete! He didn't show up cause he doesn't give a fuck about you! Nobody will! that's what the voices in his head kept screaming. Again and again and again. And he didn't know how to turn them off.

The day was just like the others. Nobody came. Or at least nobody he would care about.

The worst part about the hospital was that Pete had nothing to do. Nothing to distract him. He was just lying there, staring at the walls. Waiting for Patrick to come through the door. Why was he still waiting though? He didn't know. Maybe because Patrick was the only person in ages that he actually wanted to show up again. Because Pete still liked him. Because Pete still cared about him. Because Patrick was that kind of guy one would care about.

It was a little after lunch when a nurse came and told him that they would finally get this stupid feeding tube off of him again. At least something semi-positive...

Not being up on a feeding tube anymore meant having someone bringing him dinner again. It was Sarah who came in with a plate when the sun began to go down.

She helped him get up and walk over to the small table under the window. It still caused Pete a lot pain to move that much. His stomach ache was still pretty bad. And his headache was by now replaced by screaming voices. He wanted the pain back...

"Enjoy your meal!" Sarah smiled at him when he finally dropped down on one of the chairs. He didn't bother to say anything in return. He just stroke the stumbles that were growing on his cheeks and chin, since he hasn't seen a razor in days...

"Do you want to shave those off?" Sarah asked with a smile, as she watched his moves.

Pete nodded a little. "Yeah... that would be great! I could need it!"