Let's start with the summary, as that is the first thing that I see.
Your summary is actually very well written and draws the eye of the reader very easily. The descriptions are beautiful. The thing that I noticed right away though, was this:
[How could she not when at the age of thirteen, she had awoken in an NYC hospital with no recollection of who she was.]
How is a questioning word. But you ended your sentence with a period. Not always wrong, but in this case it is. This sentence is a question. You also did this in another sentence.
[But what's a girl to do when the one person who's supposed to love her unconditionally, wants no part of their joined destiny.]
In this sentence, 'What's' is the questioning word that sparks the question. This sentence, also, cannot be ended with a period. A period means that it is a declaritive statement, which it is not.
Other than that, your summary is beautiful.
Now to the story.
Typically, I- along with most people- don't go for repition. But in your case, I like the eerie feeling that you have placed in the readers mind. My only suggestion with your repitive sentences is that instead of the commas- for more emphasis- you could use periods.
I really like the descriptions you give. And the emotion, and tone that you have set.
[The councilors at the group home always tried to get me to vocalize, but I just couldn't.]
Councilors should be counselor. The word you used is a person in the government council.
[And to my own surprise, I got up, when all I wanted was to was stay down.]
Was isn't needed. I feel as if that was just a typo though.
The last line of the first chapter is missing punctuation.
Second chapter
[I certainly didn't want to have the energy the energy to care.]
Repetition.
[With care came vulnerability, and I had learned long ago the type of scaring conquences that sprung from that sort of defenselessness. ]
Scaring, is scary with -ing. I'm not sure if you meant scarring, as in a scar. But scaring is really awkward to read. And you misspelled consequences.
[ I took me a moment to notice that she had tears in her eyes.]
I should be It.
Your grammar is actually pretty flawless.
Plot development/ character development
Your characters are very realistic, as is their dialogue. Trina fits the definition of a mean girl, the reason she is the way she is, is because she is threatened.
Your dialogue and diction is perfect. The tone you portray is amazing. The magical aspect of the story mixes well with the mystery of what is wrong with Emera.
My opinion
I really enjoyed this story. The mystery draws me in and I can't wait to see what happens to Emera. The fact that she doesn't talk is a major point that I really like. The descriptions you use are amazing.
Recap
There were only a few grammatical problems, but everything else was almost flawless. Keep up the great work.
If there is anything else I can help you with, let me know. And if you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
~Appi
