A "Perfect" life -Lee Felix centric

New found catharsis

There was now a month left until their comeback. In Felix's mind that meant a month left to drop as much weight as he could, and to lose those stubbornly round cheeks.

As he made yet another excuse to avoid eating with the rest of the group, he entered the bathroom on the main floor they all shared.

After making sure the door was securely locked, Felix knelt down and pulled out what lay forgotten by others beneath the sink cabinet.

As had become routine for him, he allowed his hoodie to fall to the floor, pulled down his washed out jeans and his white t-shirt over his head.

With his clothes in a pile beside him, left only in his boxers, Felix stepped onto the glass scale.

His eyes remained closed, avoiding looking at his half naked body in the mirror ahead of him, and the number calibrating beneath him.

Felix pondered on what the result would say. Would he have lost a lot of weight? None at all?

Or worse... gained?

His hard work couldn't have all gone to nothing.

forcing open his eyes, they focused blurrily on the numbers that shone on the small electric screen.

50kg.

50...kg?

that couldn't be right, that was more than he had weighed two weeks ago?

Stepping rapidly off the scale, he hurriedly tried again. Not daring to blink.

50kg, the screen bore once again clear as day.

A tear spilled from Felix's eye and onto the scale, blurring the number from sight.

He stumbled backwards, steadying himself on the cold edge of the bath.

Its not enough, he thought.

"Starving's not enough" he said out loud as he met his own eyes in the mirror before him, allowing them to travel downwards.

He scanned his body, taking note of every imperfection. What Felix saw was obscene amounts of fat as he pinched his belly and arms, despising how much they squished as he did so.

Taking in the sight of himself he tried so hard to avoid, a solution came to mind. something which would make everything so much easier.

Glancing to his left, Felix's eyes fell upon the toilet in the corner with its lid up.

He had heard about purging before of course. He had come across it on Tumblr and Twitter multiple times as a result of their almost non-existent censorship system.

But he had never quite had the guts to do it himself -simply eating very, very little had seemed much less daunting to him.

But now, having had those numbers burnt into his eyes, he finally had it in him.

Kneeling once again, Felix rested his elbows on the toilet seat and shoved two fingers quickly down his throat -he had to quickly, or else he would lose his nerve.

At first he felt nothing, his efforts only resulting in a small gag and some very saliva coated fingers.

So he went deeper, wiggling his fingers until an acidic taste filled his throat. Quickly removing his fingers, vomit rushed out of him, making a sickening splash as it continued to hit the bottom of the toilet bowl.

More and more just kept making its way out of Felix's body, which didn't make sense to him as he had barely eaten anything in the past week. But still it came.

He continued to put his fingers down his throat until only clear liquid was spilling into the toilet bowl.

It was finally enough -he had gotten rid of everything there was to get rid of.

Despite the unpleasant smell of sick wafting upwards into his nostrils, Felix lay slumped over the toilet bowl with a small smile creeping onto his lips. "That number will go down now -I'm sure of it".

Suddenly a soft knock could be heard from the door. Snapping his head up, Felix was hit by a wave of dizziness.

"Lix you alright mate we heard noises and you've been in there a while?..." It was Chan, of course it was. The leader was always the first to check up on the members, terrified one of them might become sick without him knowing and being able to help.

"I'm alright Chan, just had a bit of a coughing fit", Felix managed to call out, his voice a little croaky as he did so as his throat burned with the remains of his stomach acid.

"Oh ok, drink some water it should help!", Chan replied from the other side of the door, an obvious relief in his voice after confirming that Felix was not in fact choking to death (although it might have felt similar).

Thank gods he believed it, Felix thought.

Felix listened for the sound of the leaders footsteps retreating back towards the living room where the other members had gathered to watch a Studio Ghibli movie after eating.

He then lifted himself from the floor, stumbling slightly as he did so and attempting to fight his blurring vision.

After flushing the vomit-filled toilet, he rinsed his mouth out in the sink and wiped his face.

He still trembled slightly, his hair slick with sweat and his breath still unpleasantly scented. But he felt lighter.

Felix put the scale back where it always went, replaced his clothes and made his way carefully towards the living room.

Hesitantly, he sat down on the sofa between Han and Hyunjin, earning surprised but welcoming looks from everyone. He ignored them, as well as the fact he was well aware he hadn't voluntarily spent time with any of them outside of practice in weeks, making this therefore very much out of the ordinary for him.

Exhausted, he eventually slipped into unconsciousness with his head rested on Hyunjins shoulder.

HYUNJIN POV

I made eye contact with Chan as we both smiled at the sleeping Felix on top of me.

"I should probably get him to bed", I silently mouthed to him, trying not to wake the freckled Australian. Chan nodded in understanding as I slowly shifted.

Lifting Felix with me as I stood, I almost gasped at how little effort it took.

As I carried him towards his room, one thought kept stirring in my head -he's really light. too light.

I pushed open the door with my shoulder and laid Felix down on his bed, tucking him under the covers.

Scanning the sunshine's face, I saw how his cheeks were slightly hollower than usual and the dark circles under his eyes just a little more defined. The boy that used to radiate happiness had recently become much more grey and dull.

No one else had seemed to notice much change -but I had.

Placing a small kiss on his forehead as he pulled the bed covers closer to himself, I couldn't help but notice he was shivering.

"Please be ok Felix. Because I don't know what I would do if you weren't".

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hi to I think no one reading this lol

i know this chapter was a lot more ED based as opposed to the first one which was a lot more SH based. I'll balance this out more in future it's just to get an idea of what these issues are like for Felix in this fic :/

this story might end up including a little Hyunlix -definitely some hinting towards it at least.

thanks again to anyone reading this as it is my first ever fic, remember i am always open to constructive criticism and suggestions for the story <3