What is Love? (Sinta Series #2)

21

Nathan's here.

He's here.

Naestatwa ako.

He's here. Fuck, Nathan's here.

Bigla akong napatayo sa upuan ko.

Ba't siya nandito?! Ang huli kong balita, nasa France siya? Fuck...

I'm so torn between going to him or not.

Naalala ko ang mga sinabi niya noon.

"You don't know what love is, kasi Cal, love requires honesty and vulnerability. And when you learn to do that, that's the only time that you can tell yourself na nagmamahal ka nga..."

Honesty... vulnerability...

I only knew of those things when I met him. I only managed to be honest with myself, with how I feel, and with what I really wanted to do with my life... after meeting him.

I realized it late, that I was only vulnerable with him and the reason why I was never able to tell him how I felt was because that vulnerability scared me, I thought it was a sign of weakness, so I didn't do anything in case he hurt me—I thought, expecting the worse was for the best.

Had I known this actually made him feel like he never mattered to me, I would've done things differently. I would've been more honest and true.

He taught me what loving and living really is...

While together, he showed me how beautiful and fun the world can be and without him by my side, I just realized my life would be better if he's in it.

I was living in fear then but he brought light to my world and gave me some of my best memories in college.

Though I spent half of it trying to move on from him, I couldn't.

I couldn't look at anyone else after looking at him. 

I couldn't love someone else, after loving him.

But still, why is he here?

"Miss Cali?" I was interrupted in my thoughts when a fan called my name.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry..."

Napatingin ako kay Skye na nasa tabi ko lang din. He looked at me with evident worry in his eyes, saka sinundan ng tingin si Nathan na naglalakad palayo...

...palayo ulit sa akin.

I heaved a deep sigh.

Should I go? Should I stay?

Should I try to be honest this time?

I signed the book and handed it to the girl in front of me. She smiled so brightly at me, saka nanghingi ng photo-op. Nag-selfie kaming dalawa, hawak niya ang libro ko, at naka-peace sign naman ako.

Pero, bago tawagin ang sumunod na sa pila, Skye went to my side and whispered,

"I thought it was Nathan, hindi pala. I asked someone to follow the guy, pero wala na rin daw."

Oh.

I looked at Skye and just smiled at him. I didn't even utter a word.

Skye has been my manager since I started publishing books. Dahil marami na siyang artists na hina-handle, gumawa na rin siya ng sarili niyang agency. Pero, ang main artists niya ay ako, ang Apollo, at isa pang painter. He personally comes to our gigs and events, while ibang manager na ang nagha-handle sa iba niya pang artists.