HOW TO FALL APART AND GET STITCHED BACK TOGETHER // DALLAS WINSTON

update

i hate that i am one of the authors that has to do something like this. i always hated authors who did stuff like this, and here i am, doing it!!

it's been a long time since i've updated anything on here. i just checked to see if i had any messages or anything and i noticed that htfaagsbt is almost at 2k views?? that's literally awesome. thank you guys so much.

i feel like it's my responsibility to tell you all that, as you can probably guess, i'm not continuing the story. this is for a few reasons. first, it takes a lot of energy out of me to write a story. it was mentally draining. in the end, i did get pieces of work that i was proud of but i wanted to shift gears to art that i would be able to make a profit from, as that is what i want to do as a career.

secondly, i'm growing up. i stepped away from the outsiders fandom. i still have a deep appreciation for the book. it saved my life. those characters were there for me in the darkest periods of my life and were able to provide me a sense of comfort that nobody else could. but now i am able to say that i have real people in my life to fill that void. as i grew up, the universe i created in my head didn't seem as desirable as it once did. when i was thirteen, i wanted to be seventeen. now that i'm seventeen, i would much rather just be me.

a few weeks ago was the night that the story would have taken place, with me being the age that i am. it was very sentimental. both because the story didn't happen, although i do have my own partner and friends and life now that i wouldn't give up, and because i'm so different than who i expected myself to be. my boobs didn't grow that much, i can't play the guitar, and i came out of the closet. i wrote a poem that basically bid farewell to the story and everything that it's done for me. i think i cried a little bit when i wrote it. i'll post it as the next chapter of the story.

third, as i started my transition, the idea of writing the book started to make me uncomfortable. it's a self insert. i use she/her pronouns for myself in it. and you may be thinking, "dude, why don't you just write it so you're a dude?" and i chose not to for two reasons. first, if i were to have me be a guy the whole time, i would have to rewrite the story. i would add it into the narrative instead of just changing my name and pronouns, because it would effect the relationship and the characters. secondly, if i were to throw it in at the point in the plot where i left off, it wouldn't make sense with the story. i had a very specific plan for how the story would unfold and my character coming out would have skewed it.

this book was a very large part of my life. anyone that i know can say that i spent hours of my day for years of my life talking about it. plot ideas, characters, any of it. i had so much that i wanted to do with it and it hurts me that i had to let it go. i can recollect a lot of it. if you guys would like, i can update with a few more chapters briefly outlining what would have happened in the story. or, i can leave it be and it can be up to your own interpretation. please comment and let me know what you would want.

anyways, if you're still here and read all of this, thank you. if you want to keep up to date with what i'm working on creatively, you can follow me on livejournal or on tumblr @leonellointheflesh.

thank you again for supporting me through the cringey parts of my artistic development. it means a lot. it hurts to let this book go. burning love came on shuffle and i am getting a little emotional.

you guys liked me before i was cool and rich and famous, please flex that on everyone. :)

- leonello