Lethe Vita

Chapter 35

A lifetime of profound disappointments had taught her to resist moments of elation.

It was when she became too elated, too settled, too content in life that her world became enshrouded in thick plumes of debilitating smoke.

Every. Single. Time.

She had attempted to resist her latest bout of contentment, but it had crept up on her the way a cat creeps up on a bothersome curtain.

She was too ecstatic, and it terrified her.

Instead of bottling up her concerns, as she was wont to do, she had forced herself to speak with David about them.

In their third and presumably final go-around, Valerie was determined for there to not be a lack of communication between them.

They had utilized the hour waiting for the newest member of the McKay-Walsh-Malone-Silver household to return to her sleep by opening up to each other in a way they hadn't before.

Perhaps it had been Brenda's lulling conversation with her Aria or Dylan's sweet assurances to both that had persuaded Valerie to direct her mind to the same open communication with David that Dylan had allowed with Brenda.

If Dylan could do it, Valerie thought that she certainly could.

Thinking it and acting upon it were two different things.

"You've got something on your mind," said David. "Wanna let me in so we can talk about it?"

"I'm trying to let you in more, David," said Val. "I am trying."

"I know you are, Val, but I also know you can still use some prodding every once in a while."

It unnerved Valerie sometimes, how well David had always grasped her.

"I just don't think you're giving full thought to what us hooking up together means," she said.

"I've given it a lot of thought," he said. "Over a year of thought."

"Then have you thought about what it means for you?"

"Honey, if you want me to get tested as often as you need to be, I'll get tested."

"David, if I give you HIV, it'll break me. I know it will."

"You've tested negative twice."

"And I could easily -"

"Test positive a third time," David cut in. "I know. I'm not looking for either of us to test positive, but I'm not going to miss out on being with you because of your fears. Are you gonna lie here and tell me you don't need me as badly as I need you?"

"Of course I need you," said Val. "I haven't gotten laid since - since -"

"Since your first test?" asked David.

"Since Carl," said Val. "How awful am I? I didn't think anything of the test when I climbed into bed with Carl."

"It wasn't your finest moment," said David, "but considering everything Abby's done to you before and after, how you went to fucking jail because of her, you'll have to forgive me if I don't give a damn that you slept with your mother's fiancé."

"Not a single damn?" Valerie didn't believe David's nonchalance for a second.

"Maybe one damn," he relented. "It wasn't exactly easy realizing you'd been with other people since we - since I ended it."

"You haven't been with anyone?" asked Val. "No one?"

"I almost was," said David. "Me and Gina. We almost did, but we didn't."