Sal X Travis (Smut😱)

Two: Sal

TW! More angst and mentions/acts of self harm :(
(I'm a sucker for angst but I promise actual cute relationship stuffs will be soon)

I'm staring at the ceiling, Travis is sleeping already. His head is resting on my chest but it feels like nothing is there. He's being so careful even as he's asleep and it makes me feel even worse.

Why wasn't I there? I should have protected him. I'm such a horrible partner.

Am I even his partner? Are we actually dating? What the fuck is going on?

Before I can even think about it tears are steadily falling from my eyes. I try to move my arm so I can wipe my tears from my fave but Travis grabs onto me which only makes me cry harder.

Are you kidding me? Im crying after Travis went through all of that? What is wrong with me?

I kiss Travis' forehead and very carefully slid him off of me so he stays on his stomach as to not cause him any more pain. As I meticulously get out of the bed I slowly pull the blanket over Travis, delicately draping it over him.

He doesn't deserve any of this.

I could feel the tears building up again.

Why am I like this? I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anything good. The only thing I deserve is death. At least pain and suffering.

"I'm sorry Travis. I promise that I'll always protect you from now on. I'll never let anyone come near you again."

My voice was hushed that I could barely hear myself.

The tears in my eyes finally started to fall. Heavily.

I swiftly and silently left my bedroom and made my way to the bathroom. The tears seemed to be falling even heavier.

(Quick A/N!!! The sh warning I gave in the beginning is coming up!! If you don't want to read it skip to the three squiggle things!!)

Tear after tear fell from my face and hit my sweater sleeve. My sleeve steadily getting more wet.

I'm breaking down I'm the bathroom and Travis is just sleeping in my room. He was just so horribly abused and I'm breaking down. Nothing even happened to me. Nothing at all.

I looked around, taking in my surroundings when I spot my razor. Without even thinking I grab it.

I'm wearing shorts so it's easy to access my thighs.

Do I want to do this?

My hand slowly lowered the razor to the middle of my left thigh.

Is this something I should do?

The cold metal of the blade peirced through my body.

Do I actually deserve this?

I pushed down and harshly slide the razor across my thigh.

Of course I deserve this. Why would I?

The stinging sensation sent an adrenaline shock through my body.

God that hurts so much. But it feels so good at the same time.

As I continued slicing through my skin, blood trickled slowly down my thigh. The razor blade is covered with blood.

I can't believe I'm doing this but I can't stop.

Hot tears fall from my eyes and onto my thigh. The liquid causing a disruption from my blood. The pain felt addicting. This isn't the first time I've done this but this time feels better than all the other times.

It wasn't long before most of the top half of my thigh was covered is deep red lines, blood steadily flowing out from each and falling off my thigh onto the ground. My tears causing a sudden disruption as they fell into my thigh.

I changed my position a little and rested the blade onto my right thigh.

Haven't I done enough?

I was about to continue before there was a small knock on the bathroom door. It was quiet and weak. Travis.

"Sal? Are you in there? Are you okay? I can hear you sniffling."

His voice was so small and strainded. I wish I could see him right now and hug him.

"Y-yeah I'm Travis just go back to bed. I just need to blow my nose real quick."

"Are you sure? You've been gone a awhile."

"I promise I'm alright Travy. I'll be back in bed in no time."

"Okay, thank you."

"You don't have to say thank you Trav."

"Mhmmm."

I listened as his footsteps got far away enough to shakily stand up and barely make it to the sink before basically falling into it. My leg hurts so much that I can barely stand.

"Shit."

As I watch the blood seep down my thigh and past my knee I realized that I had to either turn on the shower and wash it off or grab a towel to get wet.

I ultimately decided to use the shower. Even if it's pretty loud its better than staining a towel.

~~~

After I bandage it all up so that it doesn't bleed everywhere I wobbily made my way back to my room. Basically the second I opened my door Travis started to interrogate me.

"Why'd you turn on the shower? Why'd you leave for so long? Why are you standing weird? What's going on?"

"Nothings wrong hon calm down."

He hesitated for a second from the pet name. His cheeks turned a slight pink as well as my own.

"U-um... Well that doesn't explain why you turned on the shower! And why you were gone so long!"

"Why are you so worried about it Trav? I promise nothing happened."

"Fine but again, why are you standing like that?"

"Oh, I hit my leg on the coffee table in the living room."

"Okayyy, whatever you sayyy."

I sighed and smiled a little because his sass never failed to make me smile. But the smile quickly faded as the pain from my leg quickly reminded me of all the secrets I'm hiding from him..

(AAAAAAAAAA I'M SO SO SORRY I TOOK SUCH A LONG BREAK!!!! I RLLY DIDN'T MEAN TOOO! SCHOOLS JUST A PAIN IN MY ASS! I promise I'll try to make my upload schedule a little better and that the next chapter will be a smut but no promises that it'll be any good lmao 💀 anyway for the sh scene I took a lot of inspo from stuff I actually go through so sorry if it was kinda weird or too personal)
(word count: 1066)