I Wanted You to Stay

remembering

                           May 4 2021 12:45 PM
    Milo was now safely back in Colorado. It had only been a single day and Ellie already missed him badly. It felt weird now. They had only been together three months but she felt like he's always know him. Cara says it's fate. Ellie likes that theory. Always has. Milo was the first guy to really look at Ellie. Normally it's some one month fling, but not anymore. Things seemed strong. Her first real love. It's about time, she's 21, in college. She's finally grown up. She's not a kid anymore.

"Hey Cara" Ellie calls out to her roommate. "Can you print something when you go to the library later" Ellie could easily go by herself, she just didn't want to.

"Yeah sure" Cara yells from the kitchen. Ellie quickly decides that being in bed till 10 am is late enough. "Hey there sleepy head"

"Hey" she runs her hand through her dark brown hair. "Watcha doin' hm?"

"Being productive unlike some people" Cara teases. "Do you have any plans for Milo for his birthday?"

Ellie shrugs, "maybe. He said he might have to work. So I don't know if he's even gonna be here"

"He wasn't here for yours either. He ever say why?" Cara sits down at the table. Ellie follows and sits across from her.

"Nope. Just 'something came up'" It clearly bothered Ellie. She tried not to think of his excuses the way he always felt a little detached or awkward.

"Ellie, you ever think about how awkward he is?" She pauses "compared to when he asked you out. He came up so confident, now he just looks at you like he's out of place. That doesn't strike you as odd?"

Ellie sighs, "I don't know. I mean he was hanging out with his new friends that night. Maybe they gave him the extra confidence he needed" she suggested with a shrug.

"Yeah. Maybe."

_____________________________________________

June 8th 2021 4:23 am.
    Ellie tried everything to go to sleep. It just wasn't working. Cara's words had effortlessly infected her brain like a virus. Cara was convinced Milo didn't have good intentions. Ellie tried to block the thoughts out. Cara is wrong. She has to be, or atleast that's what Rllie tells herself to feel better. After all late night thinking like this never ends up good. Milo is a good guy, he is. Cara's point about how awkward he is, and how dry his messages are stuck to ellie. She ignored how her heart beged her to ask him about it. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her. Ellie worked through her day, thoughts occasionally wandering to Milo's behavior. She pushed them down. There was nothing wrong. Absaloutly nothing.
   
    Later that night, Cara came to apologize "Hey El, I wanted to say sorry, for painting Milo under bad light. That was wrong of me. Your happy, that's all that matters" although there was no real reason for Cara to apologize, she felt obligated to.
    "Well, thanks, but you have nothing to be sorry for"
    "I just know how your mind-"
     "You have nothing to say sorry for"