Chasing the Boy

Chapter Nine

How do you make a person fall in love with you? That was the question I sat up all night contemplating. I was a girl who liked to do her research so I googled such words as "fall in love", "how to" and "romantic persuasion". I looked up sites which promised to show me how to win his heart in ten easy steps and how to appeal to the innate, masculine inclination to protect. This is what I learned:

According to the experts, the easiest and fastest way to endear myself to Gregg is to make him feel needed. The philosophy behind this theory is that men are drawn to helpless women because the former has an ingrained, masculine desire to save, to protect and to provide for others. It goes all the way back to the caveman; the men went out to hunt and kill in order to provide food and protection. However, these Neanderthals also dragged their women off by their hair whenever they wanted to mate, so I figured there had to be some kind of glitch in the theory.

I learned a few other tips, such as the importance of keeping my feet soft and my toenails clipped. What the heck that had to do with true love was beyond me, though it made sense that most men would be turned off by gnarled, talon-like toenails and rough, flaky heels. Also, bad breath was apparently a big romance killer. There were surveys done, where men actually listed bad breath as a legitimate reason to end a relationship. I made a mental note to always carry breath mints.

Some sites I visited encouraged spontaneity. They stated relationships often come to a thundering halt due to the lack of excitement. I made another mental note to plan a few spontaneous events. I would dazzle Gregg with my whimsy and vision.

Sex appeal appeared to play quite a big role in the search for true love. According to the experts, the sex appeal a woman exudes is directly related to her self-confidence. The more confident the woman, the more likely it is she believes she is attractive, the more likely it is she will act in a way which portrays this feeling of attractiveness, the more likely it will be that others will see her as attractive as well. This was a problem for me because I didn't necessarily believe in my ability to charm and attract members of the opposite sex. I am no Kim Kardashian.

My wardrobe, best described as eclectic, put a major monkey wrench in my attempts to become more sexually appealing. I rifled through the clothes in my closet and found nothing daringly low-cut, or scandalously tight, or boldly short. The shortest skirt I owned came to my knees and since I liked to be able to breathe while wearing pants the style I preferred was loose and straight-legged, the fabric, cotton. Ooh – can you just feel the sex appeal? I had some major work to do in that department.

I discovered another way to boost my chances for love. It is called feng-shui. I spent hours on the web, reading about this ancient Chinese art. It isn't art in the conventional sense of the word; it doesn't have anything to do with painting, drawing, sketching or sculpting. This type of art is based on the theory that individuals are affected, negatively or positively, by their surroundings. Clutter is considered to be an obstruction in one's environment. It is believed that a person can declutter and change their stuff in order to bring love into their lives.

Upon further research, I found that decluttering my room was not going to be enough. I needed to find and activate my power spots, or my kun guas. The basic theory was that any space, or room, has eight sections and that each section affects specific aspects of life. To affect one's love life, one must find their love/relationship power spots, which I discovered are located at the farthest point to the back and right-hand side of a room.

I looked around my room – I had a lot to do. Not only was my room cluttered, it was downright messy. I did not think my feng shui was in harmony with finding love. I quickly set about organizing and cleaning out the chaotic space. Three trash bags later, my bedroom looked better than it had in years. If nothing else, my mother would be pleased.