Chasing the Boy

Chapter Fifteen

The day Nicky broke up with Fred was a sad day. It was sad because they had a good relationship and she really did love him. The only glitch was Nicky had gradually realized she was still in love with Billy, and her love for Billy had four years of history behind it. That kind of connection was hard to severe and even harder to forget. That kind of history had a way of haunting a person, of making frequent appearances in nightly dreams and intruding on conscious thoughts. That kind of history was hard to let go of, even when the person thought they were ready to let go.

As it turned out, Nicky wasn't ready to let go of Billy. It took her three months to figure out she wanted to be with him. The time she'd spent with Fred had been great but, in the end, history triumphed.

The breakup was sad for everyone but it was amicable and there were no harsh words exchanged. I was sad for reasons other than the obvious. Their relationship had been my last, tenuous connection to Gregg and when it ended, that tie was severed.

The fact I missed Gregg terribly was a truth I would never have admitted to anyone. I acted like I was just fine and dandy without him and I did a pretty good job of convincing the world that I was over him. I never talked about him, I didn't cry about him anymore, not after that first night, and I put a smile on my face for the benefit of my friends and family.

No matter how good I had become at acting, there was no fooling myself. I was convinced that I would never meet another guy like Gregg, someone I felt such a strong connection to. The very thought of never feeling that way again was depressing. After all, I was only eighteen. When I got stuck in these thoughts I reminded myself I was through with love, anyway..

The night Nicky broke it off with Fred, I drove up with her to his college. She needed my moral support and I didn't mind in the least.

"I hate what I'm about to do," she told me, leaning back against the passenger seat of the vegetation mobile. She closed her eyes, looking weary.

I knew she was upset because she hadn't even mentioned the car's infamous cabbage aroma. She usually got into my car, wrinkled her nose and pretended to gag. This evening she had done none of those things. Instead, she looked somber and resigned.

We were idling in the college parking area, watching the cars come and go. Glancing at the glowing numbers on the dashboard, I saw it was nearing seven-thirty. She was stalling.

"What time did you tell him you'd be here?" I asked.

Nicky picked her head up and opened her eyes. When she saw the time, she sighed. A dark gray car entered the driveway and one of its headlights was out.

"Pedido," she said, lightly punching me on my shoulder. Pedido was a game we played. It was a juvenile, senseless diversion – when you saw a car with a broken headlight, you said Pedido and hit the person next to you before they did it to you. It was similar to punch buggy and was all about getting some free punches in.

"Nicky," I said softly. "Come on, we've been out here for over an hour – and I have to be home at a reasonable time or my mother will kill me."

She stared out the window at the building for another moment before opening the door and stepping into the chilly autumn night. I watched as she headed off to break poor Fred's heart. Her shoulders slumped forward and her head hung low. A stranger would've known she was miserable just looking at her.

I wondered if Gregg had felt the same way the night he'd broken my heart. I shook my head, trying to shake off thoughts of him, and watched the night sky for shooting stars. I didn't know what to wish for if I saw one because wishes had become a senseless waste of time. None of my wishes ever came true.

Nicky returned an hour later; her face was beat red, her eyes were puffy and she couldn't talk around the lump in her throat. I hugged her, told her she'd done the right thing and then we drove home. We drove in companionable silence, each lost in our own thoughts. When I dropped her off in front of her house, we hugged again. I thought she might start to cry, but when she straightened up there were no tears in her eyes. She'd done what she had to - it had been hard, but now she could concentrate on moving forward with Billy.

"I'm thinking of having a party," she told me. She pushed her bangs out of her face and tucked some errant strands behind her ears.

"Good," I told her, nodding. A party is just what we needed. "When?" I asked.

"Not next weekend," she told me. "The weekend after. My parents are going to Maine, so why not. I need to do something fun and it's a good way to celebrate me and Billy being together again."

I nodded my head. "Good idea," I told her.

She seemed happier as she walked up the path to her house. I was sure she'd head directly for the telephone to call Billy. They would probably talk for hours, whispering in low voices and making plans for the future. I felt a twinge of pity for Fred, who was no doubt feeling very sad and very alone. I knew how that felt. Watching Nicky disappear inside, I wondered how long, if at all, Gregg had thought about me.