I feel like everything I do always goes wrong. The moment I finally stop doubting myself I fuck up and everything is ruined again. I will feel accomplished or proud of myself for once in my life and then all of a sudden I screw up. It hurts me a lot, everytime it happens I feel more and more like a mistake. For example, I almost had my phone for a year, it was going amazing, then I dropped it and now its cracked. I was so proud of myself. My parents won't be happy about it, but it was an accident. An accident I'll forever ridicule myself over. Because I was supposed to make them proud this time. I was supposed to succeed. Damnit I was supposed to be right this time. Another disappointment, that's okay. One day Ill get there, one of these days.
But until then, I'll continue fucking up. I'll continue watching the pride and hope for me dim in peoples eyes. I'll continue looking in a mirror with false hope that I'll do better this time, just to go to sleep crying, asking myself what would have happened if I could've continued to try. Try a little harder, says a voice permanently engraved into the back of my mind. I am. I'm trying. But at the end of the day everything I do always goes wrong. I'll continue to doubt myself. I'll continue ruining everything over and over again. I will never feel accomplished or proud of myself at any times in my life. Oh well, I guess i'm forever cursed to be the disappointment child.
YOU ARE READING
unwritten letters.
PoetryI wrote this to express myself, to express my feelings. It is ongoing, I wouldn't know if you could call it poetry, but it is my outlet for my emotions. Hopefully you can connect with this writing and not feel alone.
