I was tidying up my room, waiting for Miliani to come over at any minute.
I really didn't think any of this through.
I put Cream under my bed and hid anything that could be embarrassing or weird to have. I don't want to ruin her impression of me. I'm too scared that she will leave.
I shook my head to try and get those thoughts out, I need to focus and mentally prepare myself. Hanging out with Miliani, as fun as it is, is already extremely mentally exhausting. Now, after a day of hanging out in public, I'm spending a night with her. This much socializing is draining.
I took the picture of us and put it on my window sill. I still think I look absolutely awful in that picture but I love it so much.
I heard a knock at the door so I went downstairs to greet Miliani.
"Are your parents not home?" She asked me as we were going upstairs to my room. "I only live with my mother and she's on a business trip for the weekend." A little white lie about what my mother is doing shouldn't hurt, right?
We entered my room and Miliani put her stuff down. "Sooo what do you wanna do?" She asked and I froze.
I have no clue what girls do at sleepovers. I forgot to prepare for that. Shit.
"Umm.. I-I don't know.." I said timidly, looking at the floor. I heard her giggle and I looked up at her. "It's ok, baby. Let's just have fun." She said and I nodded.
We spent the night playing Mario Party on the Ds because we're old school, making some chocolate chip cookies (which were delicious), we also played around with my Ouija board (which scared the shit out of me), and then watched a couple movies.
It was around 2:30am and I just got out of the shower and put on my PJs which consisted of a hello kitty tank top and matching shorts.
When I came out of my bathroom and went into my room I was met with Miliani wearing some boxer briefs and a sports bra.
Those are her pyjamas?!
I could feel my face get hot. She looked so cute! I was feeling all strange, it was a feeling I couldn't explain. I hated it. Not the feeling itself but that I can't pinpoint exactly what it is.
I walked over to my bed and saw Cream there. I hid Cream under my bed, what's he doing here??
"I dropped my brush under your bed and found that stuffie," Miliani said walking over to me and sitting on my bed. "I thought you would freak out not being able to find it."
"W-why would y-you think that?" I laughed awkwardly and slightly panicking.
She smiled "I don't know, seems like something special." She said and I felt my cheeks grow red.
"You don't think it's weird that I have a stuffie?" I asked softly, afraid of what the answer would be.
I was surprised when she replied with "not at all, why would it be weird?" I looked up at her "I don't know, because I'm 17? It's weird to have something childish, isn't it?" I replied, rubbing my arm nervously.
Miliani gave a gentle smile and softly pet my head. "Well, I'm 18 and own some stuffies too. Guess we can be weird together."
I smiled and felt a small wave of relief knowing she's at least not judging me and that I'll actually be able to sleep. It was hard getting to bed when I didn't have Cream.
I yawned and Miliani pet my head some more "I think it's time for bed." I shook my head, not wanting to go to sleep. I'm scared that if I fall asleep, I'll wake up and all of this was just a dream. I don't want this day to end.
"Isaura, you look tired. Let's get some sleep, you need some rest come on." She said and I looked down in defeat.
"Fine. I'll sleep. You can sleep on my bed, I'll sleep on the couch." I said as I walked to the small couch in my room.
"Oh no you don't. You're sleeping in your bed." she said getting up and I shook my head "You're my guest, you take the bed."
"Ok then, how about we both sleep on the bed?" Miliani said and I blushed.
Sleep? On my bed? Together???? Was she joking? Or was she for real? She seemed to be waiting for an answer so she's probably for real.
"Umm o-ok.." I said shyly. We both snuggled under the sheets then Miliani turned off the lamp. I have no idea if I'll be able to sleep but I must admit that I did like being like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on the verge of crying from how nervous I am but, I also just found it comforting knowing she was next to me.
After a few minutes of laying there I felt Miliani turn to face me. "Isaura.." I heard her say softly.
"Y-yeah?" I replied, feeling too anxious to look at her so I just stayed staring at the ceiling. "Can I ask you something?" She whispered quietly.
"Sure."
"What's your sexuality? If you know, that is, it's totally valid if you're unsure or if you don't want to tell me. I realize that's a pretty nosy question, I'm sorry."
I didn't see that question coming at all. It also sounded like Miliani's flustered? She sounds so nervous and I just want to hold her and tell her it's okay. That's such a weird feeling for me to have.
"Uhh.. s-straight?" I answered but that sounded weird, but then again, I've never had that question asked before. Of course it's gonna feel strange to answer it.... right?
There was some silence for a while. I was still thinking about the question. "How did you know? Did you have any doubts or did you just always know?" She asked.
I.... I honestly don't know.. I've never thought about it before. Maybe that means I'm straight, if I haven't felt like I wasn't? I know that there's girls that like girls but I never thought that I would like girls.
I always sort of thought I'd never find love. I don't even think I've ever felt love towards anyone either. But then again, I don't know how love feels.
"I.. don't really know..." I replied, honestly.
"I'm sorry I-I was being intrusive. F-forget I said anything." Miliani said and turned to face the other way.
I wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say. A millon things were going through my head.
Apologize
Scream
Hug her
Cry
Kiss her
Straight
Instead of doing anything, anything at all, I hugged Cream and stayed quiet like a complete coward.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.
Do I like girls? Do I like guys? How do I know if I love someone? I'm straight, right? What do I do? I eventually fell asleep to the thousands of questions running through my mind, but the biggest one that I kept coming back to was:
Do I love Miliani?
