oh noes

Chapter 8

Lily and I make our way to the ship as I mentally prepare myself for anything that comes our way. A few people shift Lily some weird looks, but they look away after a few moments. Lily herself keeps quiet and clings to my sleeve as I shiver from the cold.
We finally reach the ship after a few minutes. I walk onto the deck, expecting someone to see us and say hi, but, instead, someone tackles me right as my foot hits the deck. Too tired to even resist at this point, I sigh and say, “Well, guess I’m screwed. Huzzah…”
“Tuuuuuuuuurner,” Lily says in a slightly enthusiastic voice. “I’m baaaaaack.”
My assailant sits up and looks at Lily. The light shining out of the Captain’s room illuminates Turner’s face. “Man, I thought you were supposed to be in the infirmary,” I groan as I shift. My ribs hurt.
Then, another unexpected thing happens - the Captain pokes his head out of his room. Which is definitely something I would expect under usual circumstances, but…isn’t he supposed to be helping with the mission?
“Turner, I thought I told you to…” He trails off when he sees me. Then, he picks up right where he left off. “I thought I told you to stay in the sick bay!” the Captain says, annoyed.
“Uh…Captain? What are you doing here?” I ask.
“I…erm…yeah. Pretty much,” he says. Huh?!
I give the Captain the most confused look I can muster as Turner gets off of me. He shrugs in response. After a few seconds of staring, I say, “Well, Birch said he had things to do before returning.”
He nods. “That sounds about right,” he replies. We stare at each other for a few more moments as Turner and Lily begin to converse silently.
“Alicia is on the ship, too,” the Captain adds.
“Ooooookay, but why did you go back to the ship?” I ask.
“Didn’t I tell you?”
“The words ‘I’ and ‘erm’ aren’t good enough for an understandable summary.”
“Well, we had urgent business. The, uh…” He looks at Turner, who doesn’t seem to see him.
I really hope the Captain’s not gonna say, “I went back because I didn’t wanna do the dirty work! And Alicia didn’t either, so we left.”
After a few more seconds of awkward silence, the Captain sighs. “It’s probably about time, anyway. Birch said I could tell you around now, once it was too late for you to do anything.”
“Do…what?” I’m totally confused. Was Birch hiding something important from me?
The Captain gestures at his room and then walks inside, leaving the door open. I follow him, not sure of what to do.
He beckons for me to sit down in the other chair as he sits in his chair behind the desk. Once we’re settled in, the Captain sighs.
“So…let’s start at the beginning. This’ll take a while, so if you’re not comfortable now, then make yourself comfortable.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. I shift a little bit and then stare at him politely.
Seeing that I’m ready, the Captain begins. “A couple of months before you became a member, we picked up Birch from Mayrill, that slave auction place. He had just finished one of his jobs and he’d asked us to let him join up with us. We were suspicious at first, but after a few incidents, we began to trust him. And, in turn, he told us more about him.
“We were told that he was one of the leaders of a rebel organization within Falt, seeking to take out slavery completely. There were people looking to kill him, and he needed a place to stay. We were also told that he was…going to die. He caught a disease during his time within the slums of Vestia, and there was no cure for it.
“Why he trusted us enough to tell us this, I don’t know. But, in the end, we decided to let Birch stay for as long as he wanted to. He’d tell us when he was ready to go back to Falt.”
Birch…was going to die?
“A few days ago, Birch said something to me. He told me that he was feeling ill - almost like he was melting on the inside, bit by bit. He also said that it was almost time for his organization to strike. We decided to sail for Falt just in case he was starting to die..”
“You said you were going to restock,” I say. My body feels light right now - like I’m floating and that’s not really my body and I’ll wake up any minute now. “Was that…a lie?”
“Partially,” he admits. “We had originally planned to restock somewhere else in Trenn, but we decided to go to Falt instead. The situation with Lily…was an oversight on our part.”
“So then…what’s Birch doing now?” The feeling worsens with every passing second. I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not anymore. My nerves have gone numb.
“He’s…” The Captain hesitates. “The disease caught up to him. That’s what the coughing was. Knowing him, he won’t die without doing anything…and if he wants to go down while stirring the flame of rebellion, then he’ll probably blow himself up inside the house of a major politician.”
“But that’s…” My voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. “We have to…”
“Taylor.” The Captain grabs my wrist. I look up at him. I feel lost. I feel like my mind is gone. This is a dream, right? And I’m right on the verge of waking up. Right…?
“We shouldn’t, and we won’t. If Birch is going to die, then we might as well let him die how he wants,” the Captain says. I barely comprehend any of the words. Birch can’t die. He hasn’t…he wouldn’t just leave me in the dark, would he?
I…
“I wanna talk to him,” I mumble. The Captain looks at me with a soft smile.
“You can’t…” he says. “Well, at least, it won’t be a two-sided conversation.” He hands me an envelope, white and sealed. To the little bird, it says.
When I don’t move to take it, the Captain pushes it into my hand. “It’s yours,” he says. “Yours to read, yours to keep.” Then, he steers me to my hammock inside the crew’s quarters.
“Do you want to sleep it off? I don’t really know how else to help you, so…” I feel the Captain’s eyes on me, but I can only stare at the envelope. My eyes won’t move, regardless of how much I want them to. I want to look at the Captain and say something…anything, even.
Instead, I brush his hand off of my shoulder as a light flashes outside the window, followed split seconds later by a muffled explosion. I don’t have to look to know that it’s Birch.
“If I can’t see him…then can I go see Wesker?” My eyes stay on the envelope. Maybe, when I step off the boat and back into that icy cold, I’ll wake up. Maybe everything will get better…
“I…sure. I suppose.” He stands back as I stumble upstairs and silently greet the fresh air as I slip the envelope into my pocket. Do I even remember where they were? Would they be there?
…I just want some company. Someone other than the crew…
I meander about in a daze, not looking for anything in particular. However, I see it eventually - that run-down shop with the wilted flowers.
I don’t even have to knock. Mira opens the door for me before I even consider the idea. She ushers me inside and makes me sit on the floor.
I still don’t…I should be feeling a lot more sad. Right?
I didn’t notice Mira leaving, but I do notice her coming back with a mug of cocoa. She silently hands it to me and sits down.
Why did I come here again? I should have gone to look for where Birch went. I should be looking for what’s left of him right now. I rub the sides of the mug, letting its warmth spread through my hands.
“Do you think…attachments formed over the course of just a few days…can be considered ‘real?’” I ask. I’m not even sure why I’m asking her. I just…feel empty. When I look at her, she nods, her hair bobbing up and down.
“It just…it feels shallow. Like…maybe Birch didn’t really mean anything to me, and I’m just feeling this way because it’s the normal thing to do.”
She shakes her head.
“He’s done a lot for me. Before I lost my memories and after I did. I feel like I should feel more…grateful. But, right now…and you know he blew himself up, right?”
Another nod.
“Yeah. Ever since I heard the news…I haven’t been feeling…sad. In fact, I’d say I feel more like I’m high on drugs, minus the happiness. I can’t really think about anything much other than Birch, but I also can’t think about anything related to Birch. Do you…understand that?”
She tilts her head from side to side. Was that a maybe?
I sigh. “I just…I don’t want to think about it right now. I wanna look ahead.”
I take a sip of the steamy, overly sweet cocoa and savor the the fleeting taste. “You’re very good at listening,” I remark. Then I remember that Mira is mute and…ugh.
“So…what about you? How do you feel about Birch? Like…did you like him, did you not…”
She tilts her head from side to side. “A little bit?” I ask. She nods.
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Most of your customers probably kick the bucket at one point or another. Say, why did you decide to take up this business?” My head feels a little more…solid now. The weird floaty feeling is disappearing.
She hesitates before sticking out her two index fingers and putting them side by side.
“Uh…family?”
She tilts her head from the right to the left.
“Wesker?”
She nods.
“Ah. How long have you two been married?”
She puts up three of her fingers. “Three years?” I ask. She nods.
“What was it like when you first met him?” I take another sip of the now-lukewarm cocoa.
She uses her right hand to represent a den (or house?) of some sort and uses her left hand to ram the finger house.
“He rescued you from a mudslide and you wanted to stay with him after that?”
She nods.
“Aw, that’s sweet. You know, minus the ‘oh no the mudslide took out everything.’ You weren’t concerned at all when you learned he sold weapons to assassins?”
She shrugs. Welp, guess that’s that.
I can’t think of anything else to talk about. Strangely enough, I feel a lot better now. “Well, it was nice talking to you…unless you wanna say something else?”
Mira shrugs. “Okay, cool. Guess I’ll see you around…?” I chug the rest of the cocoa and awkwardly hand her the mug. She waves at me and then makes her way to the back of the shop.
The bell on the door rings as I swing the glass door open and leave, the sharp sound slicing through the silence covering…well, actually, I can hear alarms going off in the distance. Best not to think about…all of that.
As I drift past the dark buildings, I spy group after group of people running through the streets. Some towards the alarms, some away from the action, and some just trying to make it home. Occasionally, I see someone wearing that FTS jacket.
I guess…there’s no need to be sad. Birch would have died anyway. Heck, everyone is going to die anyway. It just happened a little bit faster than anyone would’ve liked…that’s all.
I pull the envelope out of my pocket, feeling the warmth dissipate from it. Might as well read his last words while his death still holds an air of sadness to it. I find an alley to stand in as I unfold his last words and begin to read aloud to myself.
“Little bird.
“Should you decide that you want to leave, let it be known that I would have gone with you. Vestia, despite its former glory, is now nothing but mere ruins. Be careful, as it was hit the hardest when the Calamity occurred.
“There have also been sightings of various creatures in the area, each and every one a monstrosity to behold. Do keep your quiver stocked and arrows poisoned. I would hate to see you too soon.
“And also, keep your hopes relatively low. You might not find much, if anything at all. In fact, your chances of finding the reason behind the Calamity are far greater than finding any clues about your past. I would try to convince you to stay somewhere and live a normal life until you remember, but it would slip in one ear and out the other.
“I suppose that is all. I do look forward to seeing you someday…but not yet, hopefully.
“And…goodbye, Taylor.”
He called me Taylor whoaaaaaaa-
So Vestia’s my best bet, huh? Nearly forgot about that place. I guess I could ask the Captain to give me a ride if he isn’t busy.
I slip the letter back back into the envelope and shove it back into my pocket. The alarms get quieter and quieter as I jog towards the ship and make my way back on deck.
“Captain?” I call. No one responds, so I go belowdeck. “Captaaaaain?” I call again.
“The captain is currently sleeping,” Lowell says from behind me. I jump.
“Oh, uh, thanks. Did he find another job for the crew yet?” I ask.
He adjusts his glasses. “I believe he has. The jobs will be announced tomorrow. It is rather late, if you plan on going to sleep.”
“What about you?”
His glasses seem to gleam in the dim lights of the corridor. “I do not feel tired. I drank eight cups of coffee in the last hour.”
“That can’t be good for you,” I say, amazed and concerned at the same time.
“I am not a doctor. I am a researcher. It is not up to me to decide what is healthy and what is not, nor is it anyone else’s problem to deal with mine.”
“Uh…okay.” Well, he seems fine. I awkwardly maneuver out of his way as he continues down the corridor and heads upstairs. Man, I don’t have to be a doctor to tell that eight cups of coffee definitely isn’t a good thing…
I guess I should get another journal to put my findings in. It wouldn’t do for me to forget everything I find. And, uh…I would buy one, but I don’t have money…Maybe Marie will have mercy on me once again?
I knock on Marie’s door. This time, she answers, disheveled-looking and messy - and then immediately eyes me with the most scornful look known to man.
“Can I…uh…Can I get a notebook?”
Her face quickly turns to an expression that I can only describe as “angry woman that wants to commit murder in the most gruesome and painful way possible.”
“Or…uh…you can give me money and I can buy my own journal-”
She thrusts a handful of money at my face and then slams the door on me. Uhhhh…well, that works, I guess. I head back out into the cold, my fingers and toes warmed from my time on the ship.
The harbor seems a lot different without vendors around. Empty, covered in snow, dark, and colorless, the place almost seems like a ghost town. The line leading to the checkpoint from before is just about gone, save for the old man at the checkpoint and a few stragglers.
“How ya doin’, son?” he asks when I approach. “You were lookin’ quite pale last time I saw ya. Didn’t wanna disturb ya. Anything happen?”
“Uh…yeah. Kind of. Something happened to, uh, one of my friends.”
“Mmm. Won’t pry. Got your ticket from before?”
“I think…” I rummage through my pockets. Did I…misplace it? “Uh, no. Sorry.” Uh oh…
“Ah, good. Them tickets are a one-time use.” He hands me another one. Uh…phew, I guess.
“You feelin’ better now?” he asks.
“I guess so. I’ve…gotten over it? Sort of.” I would say that Birch is always going to be with me, but I also feel like he would ram my head against a wall if he was still alive.
“You kids shouldn’t hold on to bad stuff. Got the rest of your life to live out, after all.”
“True…By the way, would you happen to know any shops that sell notebooks for cheap?”
“Notebooks…? Well, if you go a couple of buildin’s to the left, you should find a shop that sells stuff for cheap. Don’t know if they got notebooks, though.”
“That’s okay. Thanks, Gramps.” I put the ticket into my right pocket.
“Yep. Have a good one, son,” he says.
I walk past the gates and then turn left, just like the old man told me to. Sure enough, I find the shop. The bored cashier barely looks at me at the checkout, which is sort of a relief because I don’t really want to make any…awkward interactions.
By the time I get back to the ship, even the Captain has gone to sleep. The lights are all out, making me feel a bit self-conscious about how loud the floorboards are squeaking. Oddly, Lowell’s door is open, letting a little ray of light out from the crack.
I carefully poke my head in. “Lowell?” I ask, my voice low so as to not disturb the sleeping crew members.
“I don’t suppose you are a night owl?” he responds.
“I’m a little sleepy now, I guess.” I fumble for things to say, eventually coming up with “So how’s your research going?” I tentatively step inside, wincing as the bright glare of the light reflects off the floor and into my eyes.
“That is none of your business,” he says.
Undeterred, I press on. “Isn’t research meant to be shaaaared?”
“There is no point in sharing if there is no one who would care,” he states.
“Well…what are you researching, then?”
“Memory loss,” he says.
“Like the Oblivion? Can I see?”
“No and no,” Lowell replies. He gives me a bit of an annoyed look from where he sits in his chair.
God, I just wanna know more now. “Why not?”
“Because I said so,” Lowell says, his voice getting audibly more agitated.
“Does that mean you haven’t done anything?” I know I’m being a little bit of a brat, but I’m actually reeeeeally curious at this point…
He turns back around to face his desk. “I have,” he mutters. I can tell he’s gritting his teeth…
“Well, I care about your research right now. There’s a point in sharing, so why won’t you let me-”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!” he snaps, spinning back around. Oooooops…?
Lowell keeps going. “I can’t find a single thing about what I’m doing and I can’t even trace the tracks of the person who stole my memories!”
Uuuuuuuh…time to apologize and leeeeave…?
“For Devon’s sake-” Lowell’s voice cracks. He takes off his glasses and rubs his face, covering his face up with his hands. “I’m not even a researcher anymore,” Lowell says, his voice miserable. “It’s all Cassidy’s fault…that son of a…”
Huh? Why does everything have to do with Cassidy?
“He tricked us…stole my memories. Everything about my job, everything that I knew about what I did…all until all I knew was my name, life before getting a job, and my background. Took away my entire purpose in life and had the audacity to call it ‘fighting for the greater good.’ How…why…” Lowell begins to breathe heavily, his gasps tinged with what I definitely know of as the first sign of a sob.
I think I…uh…took it a little too far?
“…I’ve been filling up all the stereotypes, trying desperately to remember what it was that I was doing. Got into the habit of wearing glasses, getting rid of most of my contractions, keeping everything clean, acting smart…just to remember.” Lowell makes a choked sound.
Then, he turns to me, slamming his hand against the desk. “What would you know?” he hisses. “What would you know about anything?”
“I…um…do you hate Oblivians?” I can kiiiiinda sympathize with him…but who knows.
He snorts. “What sort of offtopic question is that?”
I stare at him.
He sighs. “Well, for the record, no. Not really. Cassidy wasn’t enough of a reason to hate the rest of them forever…and besides, aren’t they all gone by now?”
He looks a little less distraught now. Maybe it would be fine if I told him…
“Then - if they’re all gone by now - I guess I’m the last one?”
He gives me a skeptical look. I stare at him with as much innocence as I can muster. Eventually, he slides back against his chair, rubbing his face.
“Goddammit,” he mutters under his breath. Then, in a louder voice, he says, “Is that why Captain O’Haurel and Birch have been fawning over you?”
“Maybe? I mean, Birch said he knew me a few years ago…and the Captain was the first guy I told. I dunno.”
“That’s very helpful,” he says, sarcastic.
“I know, right? It’s so useful!”
Lowell exhales loudly and then laughs, a low and short noise. Then he sighs. “What are you still doing here? Go to sleep.”
“Can I ask you a few more questions? About…Cassidy? Because I know nothing about him…”
“Sure.”
“Cassidy was the Captain’s son or something, right?”
“They weren’t related by blood, but Captain O’Haurel sure treated him like they were. Ran away from Captain O’Haurel when he caught the Oblivion, got picked up by some rival mercenaries, and nearly stranded us.”
“What about Lisabel? What did she have to do with him? Aside from being the person to stop him, of course…”
Lowell makes a face. “I believe they were dating both before and after Cassidy caught the Oblivion…”
“And…what did the rest of the crew think of him?”
“The rest of the crew, huh…” He sighs. “We all liked him, actually. Pretty charismatic and witty. Had a big set of brains. Handsome, too. Probably rich, now that I think about it.”
“Sooooo…virtually perfect?”
“Yeah. A few of us were pretty close to him, actually…Daniel thought of him as a brother, Alicia thought of him as an extremely close friend, and the Captain…well, you know. The thing is, I’m worried about Captain O’Haurel…Both Daniel and Alicia visibly changed, but the Captain hasn’t changed much. He’s probably holding it in, but who knows when he’ll snap? That can’t be healthy…”
“But you and the rest of the crew will be there for him, right? He’s got plenty of support right here!”
Lowell sighs. “I suppose…”
“By the way, are you sure everyone liked him? I don’t think Turner would enjoy his company very much…”
Lowell perks up. “Oh, you’re right. Turner always bickered with Cassidy. He thought Cassidy was a pompous little brat living off someone else’s money…” A wisp of a smile begins to peek out from the corners of his lips.
“Yeah, figures. Only person I’ve ever seen him care about is Lily,” I joke. Lowell laughs.
“Ahhh, those were the times. If only we could go back. Undo everything, fix it all…” Hi face adopts a more serious expression. “By the way, Taylor, you said you were planning on leaving?”
“Yeah, for Vestia. Why?”
“Did the Captain tell you about how the Great Calamity hit that place the hardest?”
“I…think he did. I do remember someone telling me that…No, wait, that was Birch.”
“Well, if you find anything of interest there - strange tablets, fragments of machines, even a small piece of shrapnel - will you come back to the crew and give me what you find? I want to actually do something with this lab of mine.”
“I don’t think picking up random pieces of glass is going to help you very much,” I remark.
Lowell sighs. “Yes, that’s true. But if you find anything that definitely doesn’t fit in with what you see - will you give it to me?”
“I’ll try. I won’t be able to guarantee it if you guys sail somewhere else, though. Not to mention, making the trip from Vestia to Falt would be a bit of a hassle, and package pigeons are expensive…”
“It’s alright if you can’t,” Lowell says. “I can always try and obtain some samples myself.”
“Well, okay. See you tomorrow?”
He nods and turns back to his desk. I see myself out and quietly enter our sleeping quarters, making sure to step over any objects in the way so as to avoid kicking anything. I climb into my hammock and fall into a dreamless sleep.