An Inconvenient Arrangement

Chapter 21: Claire and James

"I do not understand what you are trying to do, Claire," Helen hissed as she grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of earshot of Elizabeth. "Really? You have on your finest day dress to greet a man you don't even like? And is that a bit of rouge I see on your cheeks? Are you trying to sabotage Elizabeth? Do not make me regret leaving you to chaperone them, Claire."

"You are the one who is sabotaging Elizabeth! Someone came to call on her last week and you made him leave!" Claire snapped back at her stepmother, wrenching her arm free of Helen's punishing grip.

"Bah! That boy is the brother of a baron, a soldier! He is not a fit suitor for her, not when we may have a Marquess in the cards."

"Does it matter that he was a soldier? She liked him!"

"She met him twice at supper parties, she doesn't know if she likes him!"

"I could say the same for the Marquess," Claire shot back. "Why, this is the first time after the tea party that we shall see him."

"But he had Lady Rothbury invite us to their ball in the coming week, did he not? There are even whispers of a house party before Christmas. We must procure an invitation!" Helen squared her shoulders like a general making preparations for battle. "We cannot afford to lose the fish on our lure."

"You make him sound like an imbecile," Claire narrowed her eyes.

"He is a man, my dear, and they are easily swayed to forgo their good sense by an artfully displayed cleavage."

Well, she supposed that was true enough.

"Why are you so opposed to a match between me and Lindsey?" Claire demanded. "What is that Elizabeth can provide that I cannot, save perhaps for an heir? The Marquess already has a son to take the title when the time comes, I cannot imagine that my age shall be too much of a hindrance."

"You cannot possibly expect me to answer that," Helen's eyes flared in surprise as her posture went stiff. "I am not your enemy, Claire, and have no wish to be unkind to you."

"I absolutely do. Let's have it."

"Claire," Helen gave her a pitying look, "you are my family, and I care for you, and I do not seek to injure you when I say this, but it is you who have asked for the truth. Your marriage.... has changed you in some very unfortunate ways. You are angry and bitter because of it, not irrationally so, but it is such an intrinsic part of your bearing that it eclipses all the good parts of you; your humor, your intelligence, the depth of your heart. A man who has lived most of his life in isolation shall not want a cold, unfeeling union. And the way you are now, Claire, that is all you have to offer. Set your cap for him, if you so wish, but who would willingly subject themselves to that when they could have someone that brightens their life instead? I do not want you to sabotage Elizabeth's chances because you're being.....well, you."

It should not have hurt, this answer that was entirely the truth, lack of tact aside. She knew that she was not like Elizabeth, sweet, inviting, and open, but to have Helen speak as if she was undesirable on such a fundamental level cut her in ways she had not imagined possible. It was not her fault, was it? The fact that she was jaded and cold? The fact that there was something inside her that had been ruined beyond repair? She hadn't asked to be married to someone who would never offer her even the smallest measure of affection. She hadn't asked to become....this! 

Was she not entitled to her anger? To her bitterness? After all the humiliation that she had suffered, the betrayals she had weathered, could she not be given just a little grace for the edges of her personality that had become jagged to protect her?

"I am doing this so that Elizabeth doesn't become me," she replied hollowly. "I do not understand why you are hell-bent on making her embark upon the same path that I did twenty years ago. You did not have the power to stop it then, though I know you tried. You have the power now, why do you refuse to use it?"