Mend Me

Eight

He has given up being outwardly cruel to the girl, but that does not mean he likes her. Of course, he has never disliked her. Only her appearances, and well, if he is being honest, the fact that she belongs to Black. The later, becoming increasingly harder to deny the longer he is in her presence.

It is the shape of her eyes. When she was younger, when he first discovered that Sirius Black was her father, he did not see the resemblance. Now that she has gotten older, her face has filled out and lost most of its childlike fullness, the similarities are more pronounced. The day he had her brew a Calming Drought, the way she looked at him, it took all he had to keep himself from striking her.

Severus still saw Lily. Oh, so much of her was Lily. Her smile, the cheekbones. Occasionally, even her voice. It drew him in like a magnet. The worst part, the knife to the heart, was when he saw her shortly after seeing Potter. Lily's almond shaped green eyes that he saw on Potters face day after day would morph on to Blacks face in his mind, knocking the breath from his lungs. His mind tortured him relentlessly.

—

Lupin and Potter are up to something, he can feel it in his bones. He knows that mischievous look they both get all too well. Every time he gets close to figuring out just what it is that they are up to, the other pops up to deter him.

Lupin must know who the girl's mother is, he has to. All the time he spent with Black, Potter, and even Lily. He can't, for the life of him, bring himself to ask. He can't give Lupin the satisfaction of seeing him desperate. He will simply have to figure this out on his own, since Albus insists on being no help to him. Speaking of which, he is no closer to finding out where Black is than he was months ago when he escaped.

The girl seems to be kind, much kinder than her conceited father. He has found himself watching her, sometimes without even realizing it. Just before winter holidays, he took a stroll down to the dining hall to make sure none of the students coming in from the snow were causing a ruckus. There she was, pouring herself a cup of tea. He watched her for a few moments before approaching. She was focused on a bunch of grapes in the center of the table, she didn't even hear him approach. Next to her sat a ratty, deteriorating copy of The Hobbit. Of course, he read the book as a child, but he has yet to figure out just why Muggles are so obsessed with it. The summer he met Lily, the two of them spread out beneath a large tree in the park and read it together. Lily's magic was still unstable back then, and she would rain leaves down on the two of them when she read the parts the scared her. The thought of that still brought a smile to his lips.

—

Against his better judgment, he invited the girl to his office. Next thing he knew, he was bringing her a copy of one of his own books, even questioning whether or not she would enjoy it as much as Lily had. Had Lily not been obsessed with it that summer before sixth year, he never would have read it.

Lily found the book in a secondhand shop in Cokeworth and carried it around everywhere. Every conversation they had that summer somehow circled back to it. At the time, he was so tired of hearing about the damn thing. It wasn't until after that final fight between the two of them that he found the book himself and read it. Severus found himself being sucked into it, unable to put it down, just as she had been. He longed to send her an owl, or even show up on Evans' lawn and throw pebbles at her window, just to discuss it with her. Why hadn't he just read the damned thing when she asked him to? They always traded books before that, why did he have to be so damned stubborn?

Sitting up late into the night, head bent over her copy of the book with his wand in hand, trying desperately to save the damn thing, he finally admits defeat and places it in the top drawer of his desk. Reaching the top shelf of his personal bookcase, he grabs his copy of The Hobbit. It seems only fitting that the girl should have it, he knows he will never read it again. He has had this book longer than she has been alive. Tomorrow, he will wrap his own copy and send it to the home she stays at to open on Christmas morning.

—

"What do you believe the main plot of the book to be, if not dishonesty?" The girl shocked him when she disagreed with him. He was so unused to anyone, especially her, challenging him on anything.

"Well," she begins, placing the silver dagger she had been using to slice slugs back on the table and turning to him. "Jealousy for one. Also, insecurity and obsession. Of course, there is plenty of dishonesty, but I don't believe that to be the main plot of the story. I believe that would be jealousy."

Severus simply grunts in response and motions for her to continue working. The two of them work together in silence for another hour, before she finally speaks.

"Sir, is there any way to find my parents, even if they were Muggles?" Her voice is so low he almost doesn't hear her.

"Why?" His hands begin to clench beneath the desk. No way can she have any form of relationship with Black.

"I just want to know if they are alive. That's all."

"Why would it matter if they were alive? They left you to rot in an orphanage for fifteen years. Clearly, they do not care about you."

Severus can hear the gasp that escaped her lips at this, and she drops the knife on the stone countertop. From behind, he can see her shoulders quiver from the sobs wracking her body. Maybe he had been too harsh with his statement, but it was true. Clearly, Black and whatever Lily look-a-like he impregnated did not care for her.

"I have had quite enough of sniveling children today. Get out."

With that, she was gone, and Severus was kicking himself for ruining what had been a pleasant evening. If only she had remained silent, he would have brought her another book.

—

Hours later, when Severus finally emerged from the dungeon to begin his midnight rounds, he nearly steps on a package outside of his door. Opening it with his wand, afraid it may contain another Weasley prank, he finds a silver tin of tea and two packages of cinnamon candies. A scrap of paper taped to the tin of tea with neat cursive reads,

Thank you for the book, sir.

Now he really feels guilty.