JEFF
Is it the same for everyone... I wonder.
I don't remember a time when love was this complicated but perhaps it's because I have never loved deeply or as much as I love Bible.
I wonder what would have happen if more than a year ago I hadn't approached him. Then perhaps none of our decisions would hurt the other the way they do now.
His words hurt me more than I ever thought anyone could and yet... I can't bring myself to hate him. I can't bring myself to despise this man despite his cruel words and actions.
I love him.
Still.
I have made peace with the fact that I will always love Bible... even when I hate him so much.
"I didn't hide the truth from you for the cameras, Bible." You should know me better than this. "I genuinely didn't think you needed to know this part of my life and perhaps that was a mistake on my part but we could've have talked about it, not gone this long without talking."
Bible looks away but not before I notice the moisture in his eyes and just like that, I am weak for this man again. This man is an open book, he's always been. His emotions are written all over his face and that only makes him my kryptonite.
"You're right," he says in a choked voice that threatens to undo me. "I... was an asshole last night and well... I have been an asshole these couple of months hiding from you but Jeff..."
My resolve broken down, I walk to him and for the first time in months, I touch Bible. A shudder wracks his body when I place my hand on his shoulder. "Hey," I whisper. "It's okay."
"It's been hard," he says, his voice choked up even as he turns around to face me and I notice the moisture swimming in his eyes. "You have no idea how hard it's been, Jeff. I was not prepared for any of this when I became famous. Nothing could have prepared me-"
"It's okay," I say, grabbing his shoulders and drawing him into my arms, reveling in his solid muscles. "You should have come to me when it got harder, Bib. Even just for a night."
"I was mad at you too."
"I know."
"I'm sorry, Jeff. It was not fair to be mad at you for something so little and I'm sorry about that I hid for so long."
"I'm sorry too, Bib."
He nods, pushing back to look from the embrace and our eyes met and while I read pain in his eyes, there is something else that sends air rushing from my mouth.
There is something dark and positively...filthy in those eyes that I love so much.
"Jeff," he whispers, his voice low, husky and so achingly familiar that it sends all blood rushing south. We stand rooted to the floor, staring at each other and when I lift my hand to his jaw, I realize it's trembling but it's not just my hand.... I am trembling all over.
I haven't touched anyone like this since the last time I touched Bible and I can't help but wonder if it's the same for him.
Bible and I are the same height but while I am lean, he is tall and fit and... insanely attractive. Before him, I never knew I could be attracted to men to this level but with him... I was willing to venture into the unchartered waters.
Those waters have been rough and deep.... not always receptible but I wouldn't have it any other way.
"We broke up, Bib," I whisper but I am already leaning in, my head growing dizzy from his intoxicating scent. He smells the same as he he did the last time he was at my place and the familiarity of it all is messing with my head.
