482 《 not fanfic 》

150

I wish I felt sorry for abandoning you, but I don't, and I know that's what they want. Carrie and the doctors are making me write this. They think it makes me better, They're only doing it cause I won't tell them why I did it. You think I'd be fucking obvious, huh.

Last night I found where my mom was keeping my Xanax and antidepressants and a few other bottles of my pill buffet and took every single one. I thought it would be the least painful way, turns out it also gives you the most time to change your mind. I threw everything up, but there was still time for some effects to happen. I passed out and woke up in the hospital. I flipped out when I realized it didn't work. Then I realized it's the hospital you're in. They had to sedate me, but I'm calmer now. I still feel dizzy and i can't breathe or walk right. It kinda feels like I'm drunk. I don't think I'll be going home anytime soon. I know they'll try to make me see you. I don't want to even think about you. I know you're as good as dead. And so am I without you, Grace.