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Facing Fear by: @MiyaHikari (Wattpad won't tag correctly, as usual)
Cover
I really like your cover, Miya! I know you aren't the designer, so you can't make many changes, but there are a couple things I'd still like to critique so you can keep in mind for the future. The graphic itself is really nice, even though the eyes are a little crooked-seeming to me. There's also the backwards hand issue, but we all know that's just Skye handing the cube to her. 😉 I wish the title and author name was just a little bit bigger too, so that it's easier to see from scrolling size!
Blurb
The blurb is great. I'm fond of little, elevator-pitch type lines at the top that summarize the story. It's a nice touch for when people see the small excerpts when scrolling through tags or lists or wherever else they may find your story. It describes your story well, painting it as portal-sci fi with a touch of video games.
The rest is very nice as well. It's a short and sweet preview into what your story has to offer, but one thing I'm really missing is some snappy language and eye-catching details. You do a great job delving into the dangers of FEAR and the stakes of the story, but a lot of it is written without a sense of urgency or many words with powerful connotation. "But fate and the scrutiny of her parents doomed her dreams of being a pro gamer to game over." Or, "SniperX is a relic in a new age of virtual reality tech." I'd even put a full stop between this thought and the next, introducing Facing Fear in its own sentence and adding another pause to this long second paragraph that's really just one sentence.
