Always Forever

#17 Prelude to a party...

Evening sunlight sparkles off the man-made lake water, hues of orange, purple and pink splattered in gold. In the distance, the Rainbow Bridge is a hustle of activity with the moving traffic on top, the bridge light flickering to life. The skies are steadily darkening and a faint moon shows its waning face.

Guk-doo stands at a less crowded shore of the lake, away from the park bordering it — a famous sightseeing spot, boots and socks discarded, bare feet in contact with the cool, slightly damp sand. The lake is his secret spot to unwind. How does a cop unwind? Does he get to enjoy a day off, truly? He can steal a relaxing moment or two and they would be enough eventually adding up. He doesn't know about others, but this is true in his case.

He came here straight after his meeting with Heeji and running into Bong-soon and others at the Downtown Mall. He has to attend the MP's party next. What a day off, ugh. His mind harkens back to his talk with Heeji. Why did he meet her? On official business, yes, and yet he couldn't help but ask a personal question weighing on his mind.

"Why did you decide to be done with me?"

A small chuckle escaped her lips.

"I'm surprised you asked," she said. "I thought you would never ask the way you walked away that day."

"Well..."

"Guk-doo, do you still love me? Do you even... No. Did you even love me?"

He fell silent in the wake of her accusatory gaze narrowed on him. Her rising anguish had betrayed her soft tone. She still was keeping it together. They were inside a mall, after all, surrounded by people.

"Guk-doo, when was the last time we did something together that we enjoyed? It's been a year! We hadn't even kissed!"

"What?" His patience snapped at that point. He shook his head. "Was that what you were looking for? Physical... affection..." he trailed off, enraged but also embarrassed. To put such a blunt question before a woman... He didn't do this even while investigating lady criminals.

"Don't twist it into something ugly." Heeji scowled. Her face was red with anger. "I wouldn't have minded being apart if I felt that sense of belonging together. You know, the feeling that you're loved even when you're miles apart and don't see each other..."

"Heeji, I told you. I'm not experienced in these things. I told you I'd be busy with cases, that my work would come first. You were okay with things. You were okay with going slow. You were okay with things between us progressing slowly, were you not?"

"Yeah," she exhaled a breath that sounded like a sigh. "But I guess I got greedy. That's what love is about, no? Getting greedy. Never getting enough. You understand now, don't you? You have somebody who you care about. Someone you can't let down. Someone who's made you realise what love is and everything involved in it. And that wasn't me, was it? That could never be me... Am I wrong, Guk-doo?"

He hung his head, unable to meet her eyes for a split second. Then he was whispering the words, I'm sorry.

He was desperate. His apology was heartfelt despite his indifferent, robotic, cool exterior. Heeji must have seen through it. She chuckled.

"Guess I wanted to hear your apology and also apologise to you, Guk-doo."

When he looked at her, she smiled at him gracefully, with a bit of guilt.

"You don't need to apologise, Guk-doo. The breakup didn't break my heart, so. We weren't meant to be, were we? I thought time would create and strengthen our love. But it was fading away right from the moment we got together. I noticed, but kept ignoring the signs. On the day when I finally broke the news, I felt sorry for you. I was the one who forced this on you, and I was the one who called it quits. Your indifference hurt me, but I expected it."