the invisible string. Sihtric Kjartanson

Chapter eight: the aftermath

I woke the next morning with a heavy, aching head. I had definitely overdone it with the ale last night. I was drinking, dancing in the hall laughing and then it all came back. The way I had folded in front of Sihtric and he returned me to my room. The memory of what happened after had my cheeks reddening. I grabbed the gross pillow and screamed. I had kissed Sihtric willingly. I dare say I even enjoyed it. His touch was still fresh on my body. I could still feel the way his hand had grabbed my breast even through my drunken haze. It send a flurry of heat right back to my core. Hell no. I had to get out of this room. I could even still smell his very own smell on my body. When I was in the courtyard I dunked my head in a water barrel. The cool water sobered my thoughts a little. I went into the hall to find Gisela. I desperately needed to talk to her. When I was about to grab the handle of the large door it swung right open in my face. The last person I wanted to see stepped outside. Sihtric. My eyes widened and I could feel my cheeks burn. All the memories from last night flooded right back in. He looked similar, just a little bit more casual. He cleared his throat and held the door open for me. I slipped inside to find the person I was looking for. She and Uthred were sat at the long table along with Ragnar and Finan. I stood in front of Gisela still glaring awkwardly at the floor as new details came flooding back in. Like the way his cock had felt in my hand. Either I grew very red or very pale.

"Are you alright you look-" Gisela started as she observed me. "Why don't you sit and eat something you'll feel better" There was no way in hell I'd sit at that table so I just weakly shook my head and continued standing there awkwardly.

"Are you hangover?" Uthred asked. "Sure you are you drank like half a barrel last night. This will help you" He pushed a cup with an odd liquid inside towards me.

"Looks like piss" I picked the cup up."also smells like piss no thanks" God my voice sounded odd and hoarse. That very voice had moaned Sihtrics name last night. A wave of disgust shook me.

"Don't look at it, don't smell it. Just chuck it. You're good at that, you proved that last night" I glared at him before following his order. It was disgusting indeed but it distracted me and I welcomed that.

"Gisela I must talk to you very, very urgently. In private it's a lady-matter" I stammered. God I never stammered this boy had ruined.

We got to a private chamber that was hopefully out of earshot from everyone. No one could know about this matter. My reputation would take a serious hit.

"What happened? You're acting strange. You look as pale as a ghost" She said with true worry. I stayed quiet for a moment trying to think of a way to word this.

"So something horrible happened last night" I told her while I continued pacing in the room. "I ki-" I tried to tell her but a wave of disgust overcame me at the reality of the situation. "I kissed Sihtric" I finally brought out and Gisela looked at me silent with a wide open mouth. Then she burst out laughing, rolling on the bed she was laughing so hard. "It's not funny at all. It's horrible"

"I could've seen it coming" She told me as she gathered herself enough to get out a coherent sentence. I looked at her with disbelief. "Come on Kendra it's the way he looks at you"

"He hates me and I hate him that's how it is. Yesterday was a moment of drunken weakness" I said solemnly as I took a deep breath.

"If you say so. But did you enjoy it?" She asked innocently. Then my head snapped to her in shock, my eyes wide again. I did enjoy it very much. Heat still overcame me as I recalled the memory.

"Does it even matter?" I huffed trying to look anywhere but Giselas accusing eyes. She laughed again.

"I'll take that as a yes" She said as I sat down next to her in resignation.

"Yes I enjoyed him. I enjoyed every little thing he did. I would've fucked him right then and there if he would've wanted to" I said and covered my face with my hands at how embarrassed I was.

"So it wasn't just kissing?" I groaned and shook my head. Gisela gave another pure laugh. "How scandalous. Tell me everything" Both of us were merrily unexperienced that every word that would leave my lips was a novelty.

"Well I was drunk so excuse...everything I'm about to tell you" I took a deep breath. "He carried me because I couldn't walk and arguably that was very kind of him. Then he sat me down but I held on to him and kissed him. He wanted it to then. His body was so warm on top of me" I said in awe but quickly shook my head."Well then we made out. He touched my breast and I could feel his-" I hesitated with telling Gisela but then again she was my best friend. "His cock as he ground his hips into mine. I touched it" Gisela squealed in excitement. I shook my head. I was not as disgusted as I should be.

"Well what did it feel like or look like?" She inquired curiously. I rolled my eyes.

"Well he was luckily still confined to his breeches but it was a handful" She giggled again when I told her that. "He's fucked whores before he knew what he was doing. Well when I went to take off his clothes he froze and left me because I was drunk. He said something like when he would fuck me I'd be sober and begging for it" I signed. I cringed so much when I told her that.

"Well do you want to marry him so you can officially consummate it?" She asked me in full seriousness. I looked at her as if she was mad. She probably was.

"Gisela you're crazy. I doubt I'll ever marry if only it will be arranged for convenience. I don't think I would ever be able to love a man just because" I huffed. It was sad but it was the truth. There was no use in being delusional and making up scenarios that were really improbable.

"There is not just this lightning-strike love at first sight. Love grows, even in arranged marriages" She said quietly trying to cheer me up.

"Well then go back to Aelfric" I told her in a silly voice and she laughed with me.

"I'll make sure that, if you'll be arranged to a husband ever, that he'll be kind" She and I smiled. I appreciated the gesture. She was after all going to marry the lord I had sworn my allegiance to that she could influence Uthreds choice at least a little. But who would ever agree to marriage with me? I was flawed and ruined, Kjartan and Sven had made sure of that. No respectable man would accept a bride with a scared face that was not pure no more. Beyond the fact that my job was to be a warrior and that would frighten those away who could see beyond my flaws.

Later I went to see my father.  He set the beautiful stone in Corpse Claimers hilt while I told him about the past years after I had left Dunholm. He smiled, he still had the same warm soul as before. Later I helped him pack some of his tools as he would come with us South. He wanted to return to his homeland Kent but we were just headed to Wessex in order to visit the king. After I was done helping my father I started helping Uthred load Kjartans horde. We spread the rest between the men who had helped impregnate the castle. Ragnar would stay here as a steward.

Soon we rode for Wessex. I could not be mean to Sihtric during the ride when I was in danger of him telling anyone what had occurred between us. So far I was sure he had kept quiet. I had once quietly threatened to cut his tongue out if he did tell.

Then I met the king. I was giddy and excited like a child to met the holy man. I could see him from the back as Uthred was rewarded for his bravery. He was giving an estate near the Thames in thanks of the king. It was to be our home. A proper home.