the invisible string. Sihtric Kjartanson

Chapter twenty two: surrender to you

Kendra

When I awoke I thought my entire body was made of pain. Every conscious breath I took hurt me as if the stretch of my lungs was entirely wrong.  I remembered Haesten then. I remember what he did to me with his shield. In that moment I swore revenge on him. But after all I was alive and breathing even if it hurt. I took a big gasp in when I observed the room. It was my room in our Roman house in Lundene, I could spot the familiar closet. I pried my head to my side in search of my husband. He was asleep on my left. Sihtric was pried in a seemingly very uncomfortable position in an armchair. I reached for his limp hand. He startled awake in high alert grabbing his sword which was perched on a drawer right beside him. When he made out that it had been I who had awoken him his gaze softened. "Kendra" He spoke breathlessly in relief. It had sounded more like the last word of a prayer. "Thank the gods you're alive. I thought I had lost you" Sihtric said as he kneeled beside me to look me in my eyes. I love him, I couldn't help but think because of all that adoration and care in his eyes. He had been so worried and it really touched me.

"I-" I tried to speak but my voice was hoarse and strange. "I love you Sihtric" I told him in a small voice. This might've been the worst time ever to say this but I couldn't help myself.

"I love you to Kendra. I have for a long time" He said quietly sounding disappointed or sad, I couldn't quite place his tone. "Let me see your bruises" His voice was solemn and quiet. He lifted the blanket and I realised that I was in fact naked but I didn't feel self conscious because he had seen me like this often before. "Looks better. Can you try to sit up then I will try to stabilise your lungs" He grabbed some gauze. I did sit up but I felt weak and was in pain. I saw how he flinched when I winched from the movement. He was hurting with me. Ever so carefully me wrapped my lungs with the gauze. The aching ceased minimally but after he gave me a vial with something murky to swallow it ceased entirely. He settled back into the chair and looked at me miserably. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What do you mean you have loved me for a long time? I don't understand. You hated me" My voice was quivering but I couldn't quite place why.

"I never hated you" He said harshly that I recoiled which hurt my lungs. I winced and he looked with guilt in his dual coloured eyes. "I have been in love with you since we were children. You despised me more than anything because of my father. When Uthred asked me to marry you I was that giddy boy again that just lived from your attention. But you still hated me and I had buried all that hope I had held that some day you might want me as much as I wanted you. You beat me half to death once and now you tell me you love me?" There were tears in his eyes when he harshly told me that. I was too stunned to get out any coherent word at first.

"I never knew. I hated you, I did. Because I saw your father in you and he was the worst person I have ever known. But since we have married I started to see you for who you truly are. I saw that kindness and compassion and all that is good about you and different from your father. I learned to love you and I do love you with my entire heart" I was breathless from talking so fast but I meant every word. "When I was dying in that hall the only thing I prayed for was that I'd see you again some day" A lonely tear also ran down my cheek when I told him that.

"Kendra" He spoke breathlessly as he cupped my face and kissed me. It felt perfect and righteous. Like I belonged in his arms.

"I want to be with you. I love you. I want all of you" I told him with desperation in my voice. I knew he understood when I saw the heat in his gaze. It seems odd that fucking was the first thing on my mind after waking with so much pain but I had finally found clarity.

"Kendra you're hurt and your emotions are high right now" He said as he held my face in his hands. Ever so gentle and caring.

"I know that I want you. I want to be with you in every way because when I was dying all I regretted was not giving you all of me" I told him with the same desperation as before. He was fighting a battle in his head. He was contemplating between fucking me and denying me. His eyes were stark and full of lust but his head was in turmoil, I could tell from the look on his face. "I will beg for you if that's what you want" I spoke breathlessly and it seemed that something snapped in his head when he kissed me with wild fury and passion. My fingers were knotted in his soft hair. I softly tugged on it. He laid a breathy moan into my mouth. I had entirely forgotten about my broken state. He was the poison that could only make me better in this moment. "Take off your clothes" I commanded him as I broke the kiss. He obliged and took a step back while I sat up slowly. His dual coloured eyes fixed on mine with dark lust as he stripped off his clothes. First he undid his leather jerkin very, very slowly and then took off the linen shirt. I know that he was aware of what immense pleasure it gave me to watch him. He gave me time to watch him intently. I feasted my eyes on his pale muscles. In my core heat was already boiling in anticipation of what was to come. The realisation that I craved him with every inch of my being hit me hard and had me spreading my legs for him. I could see the darkness in his eyes, the heat, his crumbling restraint. He wanted to be kind and slow for me while he needed something else. I could almost see him tremble with excitement and lust. His perfect hands slowly undid his breeches and he let them fall to his feet but I didn't see that because I was busy surveying his cock. He was as large as I had expected. The little trail of hair from his belly bottom to his member had me clenching in anticipation. I sucked down a moan that had threatened to betray my rising arousal.