they say that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. even though you had heard this many times before, it still seemed silly; how could anyone ever accept the loss of a person? and how could a person feel anything other than depression, or anything at all?
that was until you lost your grandmother.
it had been coming for weeks, months even. she had been ill for a long time, but she was strong. stronger than most - but it didn't stop her from losing her battle in the end.
you isolated yourself from everyone: your parents, your siblings, your friends, and worst of all your boyfriend, who had no idea how to pull you out of the hole you had fallen into.
it was around a week after her death when you started to feel things. you had hardly moved, eaten, spoken or slept. messages were missed, knocks on doors were ignored - you had become a shell of the person you once were.
slowly but surely, you made your way through the five stages of grief.
stage one: denial
you had woken up early this particular day, which wasn't abnormal since you hardly got any sleep these days. but for some reason, you had the motivation to get up. you showered, at breakfast, got dressed and did your makeup before leaving your house and driving to your boyfriends.
you walked up the driveway and confidently knocked on the door, and matt wasted no time in answering.
he opened the door, and his face was immediately painted with relief, "hey, how are you feeling?"
"good! i'm feeling good! why should i feel any other way?" you asked, confused on why he was doubting your jovial mood
matt just hummed to himself, slightly confused, but he didn't want to say anything incase he triggered you back into your wallowing. he opened the door and allowed you in and you graciously entered, taking a seat on the sofa.
the day consisted of watching tv, eating food matt had in his cupboard along with the occasional questions from matt who was convinced you had forgotten all about your grandmother which you were quick to deflect.
"are you staying here tonight baby, or going home?" matt asked as he got up from the sofa
"is it alright if i stay here? i don't really want to drive home in the dark." you admitted, hoping he would say yes, and of course he did.
you both clambered into bed and fell into a deep sleep, the best sleep you had had in weeks in fact.
stage two: anger
you were woken early the next day by your phone ringing. it was 6:30 in the morning and you couldn't help but let outa grunt of frustration.
"hello?" you answered, your tone sharp and your voice weak
"hey, it's mum. are you coming to grandma's funeral or not? i haven't had a response yet and it is tomorrow!" she asked, slightly angry
you were suddenly filled with rage at the fact that she had rang you so early just to ask that question, quickly replying with no, without even thinking about it and hanging up the phone.
"who was that?" matt asked, rubbing his eyes, evidently having just woken up from your short but rather loud conversation
"why does it matter to you?" you snapped, still irritated from your mother, as you put your phone down and went back to sleep, matt doing the same but he couldn't ignore the feeling in his chest from the way you spoke to him
it was a few hours before you woke up, and when you did, you were greeted with a silent room and a cold bed - matt had obviously already woken up and you were determined to find him, for some reason annoyed at him.
