"Letting go is the key to moving on" my English teachers says. At the moment we are reading some book I forget the title of. Classic Lydia. But some how that quote is sticking in my head. Maybe because it's true. I haven't truly let go of my past with my Dad, his actions shouldn't have defined me. And it doesn't, they've defined how others see me. But why should I care anyway?
The bell breaks off my thoughts.
"So Lydia wanna come eat lunch with me?" Ally offers.
"Yeah sure" I say
"How's work?"
"Good"
After finishing eating I continue on with my classes. The rest of the day went pretty fast, man this year is going to go so quick. I start a little later today at the store because Shawn said he had a surprise for me.
As I walk out to school I figured hey why not just go to the beach for a walk.
On my way to the beach I started to think about 'letting go is the key to moving on again' and it made me wonder what my dad is doing in jail. My thoughts travel to the poor family who's son is now gone because of my dad, I don't know the real story and I doubt I ever will.
When I get to the beach I walk to the end of the pier. I stare at the light blue see and notice that there's a little island west of me. I've been living here my while life and I've never noticed it before, strange.
I sit down and put my feet in the water. I take off the locket that's been around my neck for as long as I can remember and I've never opened it.
I take to heart shaped locket into my hands and open it. Inside is a photo of me, mum and dad, looking quite happy. What if my father was still in my life? How different would me life be?
Back too "letting go" I shut the locket back up and hang it underneath the pier.
In my mind if it disappears I should just let go of my dad and act like I don't have one. But if it stays, I'll hold on and still try to see the better in him.
I take out my phone and check the time 4:30. Shit I'm going to be late. Thank god the store is only like a 10 minute walk.
When I get there Shawn greets me with a bunch of flowers.
"What is this?" My confusion grows on my face.
"I think they're flowers Lydia" he laughs."It's a congrats on your Channel"
"What do you mean?"
"1000 subscribers!" He yells
"What! I've only posted one video!"
"I kinda have been filming you for awhile and made it into a music video"
"How long have you been doing that?"
"Almost 3 months"
What? Shawns been stalking me for 3 months.
"Is this why you gave me the job? This is really creepy Shawn!"
"I know but I knew you wouldn't say yes if I asked you Lydia May!"
"How do you know my middle name?"
"I know you don't remember me, Li!"
Li? Why does that sound familiar? Oh my gosh. I remember. How could I have not!
"Omg!" I scream
"What?"
"I didn't recognise you, puberty did good! I feel so stupid. Why didn't you tell me Shawn instead of acting like a stranger"
I've figured out. Shawn and I went to a camp together like 6 summers ago and we were like best friends but when we came back home we lost contact.
"I don't know, I'm sorry" he pulls me into a hug.
"I'm going to close up now anyway, need a ride home again?"
"No it's okay I'll walk"
I honestly don't know how to feel right now.
When I got home I put the flowers in a vase and went to my bedroom, mums not home so she must be working late.
I hop on my laptop and watch the music video Shawn made.
It began with "hey guys it's Shawn Mendes and I've made this little video for my good friend Lydia May, so subscribe to her channel the link will be down below. This song is called Imagination"
The music starts with photos of us at camp. I don't know what I what to focus on more the lyrics or the images and videos. And Shawn can sing, I mean Shawn can sing! What brought my attention was a video of me swinging on a swing, I remember this day because it was the day I actually thought about YouTube. The the lyrics "This is typical of love. Can't wait anymore, I won't wait I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever"
I don't know what this means, has Shawn had a crush on me for like 6 years and has never said anything? This is all really confusing.
I hear a knock on my door.
"Lydia, look let me explain a bit more, I know you'll be watching the video" Shawn yells from my front door.
"It's unlocked" I yell back
"Where are you?"
"Up here!"
I do not know what's about to happen.
"Look, I know when we went to camp we were only like 12 but you were beautiful then and your beautiful now. And no I didn't give you the job because I wanted to film or I wanted to get to know you again, I gave you the job simply because you're the only person I can trust. I know what I want and you want are two different things but I just needed to make that video for myself. If you decide to never speak to me again I understand and-"
"Shut up, it's okay" I laugh.
"So are we okay?" He looks at me.
"Yeah, you're really talented"
"So are you, Lydia, please I don't want to make things awkward, so I'm happy to just be friends" Shawn looks away from me.
"Yeah, for now" I say
I could see him smile from the comer of my eye. I don't know where we'll end up, and I don't know what I feel yet.
