Self Love

Chapter 1

Shreya's POV

I looked at myself in the dressing table mirror. I was dressed in a bridal lehenga. My makeup was immaculately applied. I was looking good. I heard a commotion downstairs. The Baarat must have arrived. I expected my family to take me to the pavilion, but to my surprise, Mom told me to come downstairs. I nodded and went. When I entered the hall, I saw Adit and Deshna, in wedding dresses with maala's on. Deshna's mang was filled with sindoor.

"How could you do this ?" Mom scolded Deshna.

"Mom, we love each other!  Adit came up with this marriage proposal to make me jealous.  He had an inkling that I reciprocated his feelings. What could I do?" Shreya said, sobbing, her eyes not being able to meet anyone.

"You could've told us about this, instead of getting married a day before your sister's wedding,"  Mom shouted.

"Think maturely, Kavya. What's done has been done. Call Adit's family. They must be worried." Papa scolded. Through this chaos, I was oblivious to everything. All his promises were fake, the small gestures, his caring nature, just to make Deshna jealous.

I have always been envious of Deshna. How come she got all the love? From relatives to our parents, everyone praised her for disregarding me. It made me so insecure about myself. From the job I do to the way I look. It's not that I'm not content in my life. I have come to terms with myself. My insecurities trigger me.

The Saxena's arrived. His parents were angry at him for taking this step. They also considered my feelings.

Adit came towards me and said, "I know what I did is unethical. I couldn't think of anything else. You're a great person. Who will get your love will be lucky. But I love your sister. She's a gem. I'm not expecting you to forgive me. I'm extremely guilty of my act."

The way he said it sincerely, looking into my eyes. I just realized that I wasn't able to see the love he had for my sister. Whenever he talked with me, he asked about her.

Deshna comes in front of me to ask for forgiveness. But, will I?  When I look into their eyes, I can see how in love they are. But unless they walk a mile in my shoes, they can't comprehend how I am feeling right now. I remained emotionless. My parents are crying inconsolably as they stare at me. My heart is in pain, yet I am powerless to communicate it. I believe I am unworthy of love. I'm not at a place where I can yell at them or sob for him. And I'm not even able to view them normally like I used to. I can only do one thing, which is to leave home. The anguish will only get worse if I stay. I might be able to start a new life and forget about everything if I move out. A life in which I truly love myself.

Tears ceased to flow. With all hope gone, I made my way to the door. As soon as I left the house, all of my memories came flooding back to me. I started to walk, leaving everything behind and having nowhere to go. My perception of nature has changed; the sunset, the breeze, and the stunning sky made me feel as though I had at last attained freedom. I wanted to soar through the air like a bird. I have one last shred of doubt: will I make it? I'm not sure of the answer yet, but I believe I will. I only need to re-energize myself and restart the new life that is waiting for me, one that is full of possibilities. I'll be a different version of myself this time—the new me.