Hunting for a way home - Shalnark x Reader

Chapter 50 - I am, Not okay.

Long ago you got used to the numbness and pain of being suspended in the air by your wrists. How many days had it been now? ..Or was it weeks at this point? Personally it didn't really matter.

Not anymore.

The only thing that really kept you sane throughout the whole day to day endless process was thinking about him .

And knowing this couldn't last forever. Right?

Everytime a whip slapped against your skin more and more aggressive as you refused to give into screaming.. Until you couldn't.

Even your resilience wore down eventually. Especially when they'd tested just how well you'd stand up against electricity.

You'd held onto the belief that maybe you deserved it. This pain. For not being better, not doing more when it came to keeping Shal safe in the first place.

Maybe your belief though was just a convenient little lie, something to tell yourself to make sense of why exactly this was all necessary.

Besides you rather believe the lie you had crafted for yourself instead of believing the reasons Illumi and Milluki tried force feeding you.

Well, Milluki punishing you was more because of his overall hatred for you than actually trying to teach you a lesson and he certainly let you know it.

Illumi at first stuck with. 'We are doing this because you need to learn how to listen, to obey.'

Only once did Illumi slip up while distributing a punishment and it was during the only instance you'd just so happened to slip up too.

_______

" STOOOOOP! " You were barely aware of the single word being screeched out. The electrical prod was quickly taken away from your skin still sparking at the end before shutting off.

The relief from its absence was immediate. It hadn't fully registered yet it was the first time you'd really let yourself scream and that it had been a plea for it to end.

You hated electricity, you hated the way it made your muscles spasm, you hated how it felt like all your cells were all painfully alive. You hated it.

When your eyes focused on Illumi you noted how he seemed vaguely surprised as his head was slightly askew. "Ah, I did wonder what would be the thing to do you in."

Rage you'd been stuffing down, down, down came to the surface and violently. You began pulling and thrashing on the chains restraining you. "WHY!"

Tears were starting to pool in your eyes, everything you'd been holding back finally refusing to stay put as you broke down. "Why Illumi! JUST TELL ME WHY! All I wanted was him. You said so yourself I'm not the heir . I'm not important. SO WHY? Why can't I have that one thing? WH-"

A hard slap across the face left you stunned. Moments later Illumi's fingers dug into your face as he held you by the chin moving your face to look into his own.

His face wasn't showing emotion persay but something was there deep within his eyes as he gazed into your own. When he began speaking his voice was hard but low, you suspected even if someone else had been standing in the room whatever he was now saying would have been lost to them.

"I ask myself why every. single. day. You're just going to have to get used to it." He moved your head to the side and moved his lips to beside your ear.

"Do you really think you're the only one here that wants someone they simply. can. not. have?"

You couldn't help it, your face had completely fallen as Illumi spoke. "Illumi..?" When you spoke his name, soft tears were forming in your eyes as something tightened in your chest.