Hunting for a way home - Shalnark x Reader

Update!

I genuinely promise this story has not been
Abandoned Chapter is coming and will! I'm not sure when exactly but I really am going to update. I love you guys so much and seeing your comments makes my day better in ways you don't know.

I see everyone's comments and feel so blessed for everyone that has stuck around and been patiently waiting. I keep thinking "Damn I'm going to bang out a new chapter and explain the situation."

But each day has something new that sets it back and the past two months has felt or literally had something new happening that's frankly flat out terrible.

I'll be honest some days I'm barely holding it together.

To lay everything out I went from being in the literal worst jail humanly possible in an entire state due to essentially being blind sighted and betrayed. And in said jail a woman tried to assault me twice within in first 12 hours, to then spending the next 4 days avoiding being SA'd by two other inmates either in the shower or in my sleep. The last night I was in jail and during one of the few times I fell asleep someone actually grabbed my leg. Which was swiftly let go when I woke up and immediately tried to attack them.

Which was not only traumatizing in that moment but has also brought and resurfaced all the past trauma I already had.

All while coming to terms with the charges and potential consequences of them, I lost a friend that was dear to me.

Then while trying to come to terms with that. I started being harassed by a high level worker at my job and because I got arrested weeks prior it gave them an opening to try and get me fired. Which in fact I almost did walk out of my work without a job after sitting down for hours in a very heated meeting with the CEO.

I've had family that's supportive and they're there for me while others have straight up cut me off and refuse to talk to me for it ruining "perfect family image." Having a family member that's been to jail now. Despite the situation not being my fault they don't care.

My best friend then lost a baby and had to have surgery, then days later I had to get a tooth pulled, then not even a week later my brother had to have an emergency surgery, and then I had to kick same brothers partner out of our house in the middle of the night the same day he got home from said surgery because they tried picking a fight AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL FIGHT with him over not "communicating" the fact he literally had to have an emergency surgery in which he had no phone and no means to contact them while he had to be rushed to the hospital.

To top it off, my long term relationship has been having problems.

So between jail, and all the other things that have and are happening. I've been in a state of extreme anxiety and paranoia. That leaves me not sleeping most of the time and sometimes for over a day, I can barely eat most days because I always feel sick, and I potentially am prone to having a panic attack at any given point.

I genuinely hate coming here and saying all this because even now I feel like I'm making excuses.

But I genuinely wanted to come here and just explain..? Rant..? Both..?And let you all know I will not and cannot abandon you guys.

This story and all you genuinely mean a lot to me. And the thought that some of you probably truly believe I won't come back definitely worries me a lot.

I don't want to make promises, but I was finally able to see a new psychiatrist. And just yesterday was able to start an anti-anxiety medication. My hope is that with this, even if things still keep going south at least I'll have relief from the constant anxiety plaguing me so I can be in a proper state of mind where I can write.

Because I'll be honest my biggest fear is AND has been that I'll potentially ruin this fanfic, something that I love very dearly due to being TOO unhinged. BECAUSE I'll be real things are going to get more angsty already in future chapters and I don't want to take the things to an even more extreme level and out on you guys because I'm in a bad head space.

Just know I really truly am trying my hardest and I'm really hoping that now that I've reached out for help that I can get to a place where I can breathe more easily. But also get in a head space where I can put time into this.

I'll say it again but I love you sweet angels so much and I'll try my hardest and damnest to get you guys a new chapter soon and work towards being consistent. Because you guys deserve that. 🥺🩷

-Forest 🩷