Unavailable Endings

I don't even know what I am doing anymore

I find Myself writing not only to you but to everyone. I also find myself writing more poetry, poetry that I want to put out but can't bring myself to because even though I know you won't read it and I know you won't even look at my page I still worry about if you would think they are good enough. Your opinion matters to me more than anything or anyone else. I want you to read my book first and part of me finds it hard to give the book I have been working on for 6 years to anyone else before you. those characters are you and I coded. I based them off use after years of us being together. But now I never get to tell you that it's done and you will never read it even if I do publish the book I never get to tell you. it's weird it's been over a year and I can't bring myself to let someone else in the way I let you in. I have tried more recently with A new boy I will call him Blue. I let Blue in and I was vulnerable, he hurt me really bad and all I wanted was to tell you about it, to call my best friend and cry to you but you wouldn't have answered if I called you would have sat on your bed and rolled your eyes at my name coming up on your screen and then you would have told your friends that I called you said I was crazy and talked bad about me again. I know you would because I know you. sometimes everything just feels wrong without you.