Certainty | TSITP

E I G H T E E N .

After Ana started to stumble around and the anxiety went away she stumbled her way to the ocean, where she just stood and watched the waves crash by her feet.

"Ana! Ana, come back inside." Conrad yelled to her, walking closer.

"Mhm... no." She slurred, walking into the ocean a little.

"I'm not dragging your body out of the ocean if you drown!" He kept going.

"That's fine! JJ will!" She giggled turning to look at her ex.

"Please, come out of the water, Lise." Ana's eyes softened at the nickname, the alcohol bringing back old feelings she had for him.

She slowly made her way up to the boy and out of the water, "I just need you to leave me alone... sadness follows you."

"I can't leave you alone..."

"Okay!" She said, and started to walk back into the water. Before she knew it Conrad had lifted her up and walked her out of the water. "Put me down!" She screamed.

"You're drunk, Ana!"

"Put me down! Please!" Her screaming turned into crying, and he gently sat her down. No matter how gently he sat her down she still tumbled backwards because of how much she had drunk and fell on her ass.

"Let me help you." He held his hand out to her, trying to help her up.

"If you wanted to help, you'd leave me alone." Ana stood up, almost tipping over.

"I'm not leaving you, Ana!"

"You did it before!" Ana said, wiping her tears away, "why didnt you tell me you went to jere about me?"

"I don't know!"

"If I had known... if I had known that you cared that much! I don't know... I would've..." Ana's thoughts were racing, she didnt know what she would've done, she probably wouldn't have done anything, and even though she was super upset with him... she loved him, "I wanted you to choose me, fight for me."

"I wanted to! I tried to! What do you mean?" He responded.

"No, Connie! You settled, you left me, decided you wanted me, and then settled! We were supposed to be together! We were supposed to be planning a wedding and picking out cheap rings because you're rich and I'm not, and we're supposed to laugh at my dads face when he finds out that he wasn't invited!"

"Ana-"

"I know you were trying to make your mom happy but... she wasn't! She... she loved me and I loved her and she was like my best friend and it was so cool because she was your mom and she would've been mine! I mean... I thought that we loved each other... I loved- love you so much it hurts! But it doesn't just hurt me it hurts everyone! It hurts JJ!"

"We did love each other ana!" Conrad shouted.

"Just not enough..? Nothing is ever enough..." Ana sighed, taking a deep breath.

"Ana-"

"It's okay! It's okay! I'm sorry... the vodka.. I don't know what I'm saying." She shook her head softly.

Conrad cupped her cheeks lightly and kissed her. Their lips smashed together. Conrad's body relaxed as he gripped her waist.

Everything went into the kiss. Love, anger, sadness, happiness, loneliness, everything they had felt while they were apart came out in one kiss.

At first Ana soaked it all up. But realized quickly that this isn't what she wanted anymore. She didnt want him and all the drama that came with him... she didnt want it.

She wanted JJ.

She pulled away quickly and looked up to him, wiping a tear that ran down his cheek.

"Oh, love." She whispered, rubbing her thumb across his cheek gently, "i love you so much it's killing me."

"Ana... I am so sorry. Words can't express how sorry I am, I could write a whole book of how sorry I am, I- I will do anything... literally anything. You tell me what to do, let me fix this."

Ana sniffled and gave him a soft peck on his cheek, "can you just take me back to the house...? I just want to lay down."

Conrad nodded softly, grabbing her gently and helping her to the house. Once they finally reached it JJ was sitting next to the pool smoking a joint and laughing with a random guy.

"Hey! Is she okay?" He asked finally catching a glimpse of them.

"You weren't too worried just a second ago." Conrad mumbled.

"Hey, ma-"

"I'm fine! Just shut up!" Ana snapped, "just shut the fuck up! Oh my god you all dated me! It's the end of the world!" She said sarcastically, pushing the two boys out of her way and walking to the house by herself.

"Hey, Ana... I just wanted to say-"

"Sorry? All is forgiven, leave me alone now. Thank you!" She cut off Jere quickly and started stumbling up the stairs, she opened the door to her room and slipped in, quickly shutting the door.

She took off her converse and started to walk to her sleeping bag before she tripped over JJs bag and bashed her head on the floor.

"Fuck." She whispered, not even registering the fact that red liquid dripped down her face.

She started picking up stuff that spilled out of the boys bag before she saw a folded picture. When she opened it she saw him, two other boys, and a girl. They were standing in a boat with huge smiles and fish in all of their hands.

She smiled lightly at the picture, she was so excited to hear more about the boy. Especially all of his friends and adventures.

She flipped it over and read the back
"I'll see you soon, J. ~ Kie"

Ana ran her fingers on it and slowly slid it into his bag once again. Maybe he wasn't mad at her for being unsure because he was in the same situation... maybe he was unsure too.

Her thoughts started to slow down as one thing popped into her head 'he chose me'. She laid down slowly and fell into a deep sleep.