Waiting Room

Ignorant

The IV stings on its way out of his arm, causing Atsushi to wince at the pain and silently curse at himself. It was cruel to do this to himself, knowing well that he was in no state to find a way home. He still persisted, scrambling to find his clothes and change out of the hospital gown provided to him. He gave himself 15 minutes, giving Dazai ample time to leave before making his way out of the hospital.

"You will need to sign here to state that you are leaving against medical advice." The receptionist stated. She was kinder than he anticipated, showing more concern and compassion than the annoyance he expected. That was his frequent expectation of people, believing himself to be more of a burden to tolerate than a person. 

"No problem" Atsushi stated, reaching for the pen on the desk. His signature was shaky, caused by a combination of anxiety and starvation. He, once again, feared to be known. For anyone, especially Dazai, to see the state he was in. Leaving the hospital before he was meant to would certainly raise more suspicion, amongst the array of other concerns his friends would come up with regarding it. The receptionist certainly noticed the scars on his arms while reaching to put the pen back in the holder, caused by his frequent encounters with self harm. It quieted his mind, even for short moments. It was a release, a cleansing of sorts. His inability to cope distorted his body, yet held him like a mother comforting her child. A mother he had never known. The receptionist held her peace, resorting to only giving him a sympathetic glance in return. "Try to make it home safe, and please come back if symptoms return or worsen."

He gave a forced smile back, an attempt to ease her mind. He refused to accept the sympathy of anyone, even a kind stranger. "I appreciate it, have a good night." Atsushi stated before making his way to the door.

He found himself walking home, unwilling to have anyone know of his whereabouts. The walk would burn the calories anyway, he thought to himself. It wasn't a short walk by any means, resulting in him accepting the fatigue he was bound to endure. He made his way back to his apartment by 2 am, on the brink of passing out once again. His hands were trembling while attempting to use his keys, a battle between his weakness and the door. After what felt like an eternity of struggle, he made his way in the home, stunned to see Dazai as he walked in the door.

"I'm not as ignorant as you think"