I have shed a tear at the plight I face...
Alas! My journey homeward bound is one of futility
For in a climate like this-grasping for opertunity feels like trying to pull water or lift sand...
I want to fight him-in my hearts of hearts I know that there is a passion in me that could drive me to win her love and yet... I can't help but see peace in the gentle repetition of fingers on the keyboard screen and I can't find the courage within me to deal with all my crap
After all- a lonely maid is she weighed down by all those possessions like the diaper that leaks like my cock would off that vibrator
Yes -all of this- the fight- the tear- the dilemah- the rumbling in my chest like my body is fragile- this crap you're now listening to like the voices in my head do you even hear me behind all of them anymore? Or has it just become repetitive grobling
No those aren't your delusions getting the best of you I did admit to being crazy, so maybe I could just win... after all.
But it is reckless and selfish to think that hurting your lover would mean I'd win your affection maybe even heart
Yes let's battle him for it the voice in my heads telling me
Give him a choice, make it honorable but don't let him tell you yall aren't fighting because I don't really want to give him a choice all I want is her heart it doesn't matter how I take it it should be mine and mine should be hers it was written in the stars it was why I was alive it was my goal and now what do I chase? And then again how have I come be become so obsessed with her, I used to mean something I was the great essayist the artist my moms kid my brothers brother now everyone resents me for trying to transcend the gender binary just by existing or whatever they think but then again when did I ever become just a trans person?
I used to mean something, I was Andy, I loved video games and pokemon I hated having to look after my little siblings I had friends a beautiful body, how could one ever destroy their social life so much? How could anyone hurt themselves so much?
Since when was I a person who needed others? I used to mean something...
I didn't used to poison peoples thoughts thinking toxic ideals like how I don't need people because I have drugs and I can't live off of drugs because I still somehow need people even if it's just to get a fix off I still need someone why can't I just stop and be content everything is fine- better than fine.
Since when did I start lying to myself? I... used... to... mean... something. I once heard that being human is constantly reinventing yourself. I don't remember who said that or how it relates to the constant relapsing and promising ill stop the tussin. But if I could just be OK that would be nice.
