Turbulence [𝗠.𝗩.]

Australia, Pre-Race

"With five new drivers on the grid, this is the first real test of their skills, in my opinion. None of them have raced here at Albert Park before. It'll be interesting to see what happens."

⸻

AUSTRALIA
3rd RACE WEEKEND OF THE SEASON
APRIL

I've never raced at Melbourne. Nor have some of the other rookies around me. We've spent the mornings walking the track with our teams, or in meetings, but for now, we're relaxing together, having lunch and a catch-up. Since the start of the season, a month ago, we've had only two race weekends, but everything seems to have changed far quicker than I expected.

I can feel it the most when it comes to James. For a few days after the last race, we didn't speak to each other, whilst the media kept trying to stir up rumours of trouble between our teams, happy to paint Haas as the villains for picking on the new blood. It's affected our friendship, much as I wish it hadn't.

Before we joined Formula 1, we would be as tight as anything, insisting that whilst yes, we were sore losers and willing to fight each other for race wins, we'd never stop being friends. Hell, half the reason I've even made it this far was because of him. He was my biggest supporter, always there to congratulate me whenever I was winning, and to console me when I lost.

That hasn't been the case. Sure, we're only two races in, I know that, but Christ, I can feel the tension lying in the background between us in the awkward silences and the way neither of us seems to be able to put what happened behind us. It's unsettling. We've had spats before, we've even crashed into each other. But we kept what happened on the track to the track. This time... it just doesn't seem like either of us is able to let go of it.

It makes me think of the warning I got from Fernando during the driver dinner: Most of the drivers here? They won't be your friends. They're your competition, your enemy, you have to know that, embrace it, or you will never get on that podium.

The words rattle in my head, fighting with the person I had to be to get here in the first place: friendly, approachable, trying to make as many friends as possible because so many doors were never open in the first place purely because of my gender. I don't think I was ever delusional about it - I've had to be a fighter as well - but perhaps I've really been fooled by the dreams my younger selves came up with, dreams of an easy time getting along with people who want to see everyone else around them fail.

After all, there can only be one person at the top of the podium.

After a while, Liam and Oscar have left, leaving Logan, James and me sitting here, drinking in an awkward silence that's only broken sporadically by Logan making an effort to spark conversation. It's clear he's feeling awkward about the way James and I keep looking at each other, not saying what we want to say.

I sigh heavily through my nose, closing my eyes briefly. If I don't try to put this behind me, it's only going to get worse. Far worse. I know I could let it be, I should be viewing him as my competitor right now, but I just can't. This man was the same boy who shoved another kid for making jokes about me at the karting tracks.

I owe it to him to at least swallow my pride, right?

"You doing better after last week?" I finally say, drawing the attention of both men.

James shrugs in a non-answer, which makes me worry until he speaks. "Still a bit bruised. Sorry about the timing on that. Car snapped out under me."

"Is what it is." I try to make myself sound a little less serious, but I don't know if it's worked.