Outerbanks ~ Paradise on earth ~

Guilt

As I'm walking back to the chateau, I feel the heat from the encounter fading away and being replaced with a wave of embarrassment. But at the same time, I can smell Rafe's cologne on my clothes. As I get closer to the chateau, you notice Jj's motorbike pulling in from the driveway.

As I walk closer, a wave of an unexpected feeling washes over me.

Guilt.

Jj gets off his bike and walks towards me.

"What were you doing with Rafe?" He asks. His voice is filled with concern.

Shit.

Jj removes his hand and looks at me. He waits for an answer but I just stare at the ground.

"Answer the goddamn question Kailani." Jj says in a demanding but concerned tone.

"I'm.. I'm sorry jay." I whisper, not looking at him.

Jj sighs in frustration.

"Don't bullshit me Kailani. What happened? Did you cheat on me?" Jj says , his voice is starting to rise in anger.

"I didn't cheat! We aren't even together." I snap.

He can smell the perfume Rafe was wearing on me and he knows exactly what happened. He's not stupid.

"Don't try that with me Kailani. We're a thing and you know it. So give me an answer. Why were you with Rafe?" He snaps back.

"You haven't asked me out ! I've been waiting." I sigh. "We both have feelings for each other and you know it."

"You're right, I haven't asked you out yet and you have been waiting for me to do that. But how come you went and let Rafe get his hands on you, Kailani?" Jj's frustration starts to build up even more.

"It just... happened, Jay... I don't expect you to believe me but it was out of my control. We kissed, and after that he took it a step further and I couldn't back out. It wasn't something I agreed to do. I couldn't stop him." I blurt out with tears in my eyes.

"Please I'm sorry." I look him in the eyes.

Jj is still silent, looking deep into my eyes, trying to think of the next thing to say.

He looks away for a moment. He sighs.

"You know, you're right, we aren't together. And you can do anything you want. Do what you will. I shouldn't be mad. But I am, I'm just... disappointed. I thought we had something. I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting and now you go to Rafe." He clenches his jaw.

Jj sighs again and shakes his head. He's angry but he's mainly frustrated that this happened.

"Just... just go. Let me process this" he snaps.

"No, no jay please." I look at him.

"You can stay here for tonight, there's no reason for you to leave right now. But can we please talk this over in the morning? I need some space." He look at me. Anger and in his eyes.

I nod. I don't realise it, tears are streaming down my face.

Jj notices the tears and his expression changes instantly. He wraps his arms around me.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's going to be ok. You don't need to cry, I'm just feeling a bit irritated right now. But we'll fix this later. Just go to bed now and in the morning we'll talk this over. I understand how confusing all of this can be and why you felt like you should see Rafe. It's alright. It's going to be alright lani"

I don't deserve this man. And again the feeling washes over me.

Guilt.

"I won't do it again jay." I bury my face into his shoulder.

He runs his hand through my hair.

"Hey... I know you won't. And don't worry, you don't have to prove to me that you won't. I trust you. I'm getting angry with your actions, but I still know deep down that you're a good person. You just got a bit confused. It's okay." He whispers.

I pull away and slightly smile.

"You need to get some rest. You've had quite a day. I believe you and I know that you'll never do this again. I trust you. That's why we can talk about it in the morning and clear everything up. Okay?"
He asks.

"You aren't .. mad ?" I say.

Not anymore." Jj replies .

"I'm not going to lie, I was mad. I was really mad. But, I've thought about it, and I don't think I have the right really. We're not in a committed relationship. You're free to do what you want." He pauses.
"So if you did kiss Rafe or even did something more with him, how can I be mad at you? I wasn't officially your boyfriend, so in all honesty I shouldn't really get as upset as I am." He looks away.

I look down.

Jj sees me looking down and he puts his hands gently on my cheeks and pulls my head up to his.

"Look at me. I'm not mad. Go get some rest Kailani"

I nod and walk into the chateau. I go upstairs and throw myself onto the bed.

I sit up against the headboard of my bed. I can't sleep. I light up the joint and take a long inhale as the smoke fills my lungs. I lean back against the headboard and hold the joint between my fingers as I stare at the ceiling.

Shit. I've fucked up bad.

I feel guilt and shame wash over me but the weed numbs that feeling.

I hear a knock on the door.

A knock on the door snaps me out of my thoughts. I look at the door for a second.

"Come in."

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A/N
I actually don't have anything to say..
4 views guys. I can't wait to gain more

Enjoy x