Looking Through the Cracks

Chapter 22: Family Dinner

It was like a bucket of ice water had been poured over Ivy's head when she heard the deep bass voice. Ivy expected B to instantly pull his hand away like he did the last time. Why does this keep happening!? Ivy berated herself mentally. Engulfed into a cloud of embarrassment, Ivy's cheeks grew warm. With his hand still softly cradling Ivy's cheek, B quickly discovered her growing humiliation and withdrew his touch. The absence of his touch burned for a whole other reason.

As she looked at B, she girded herself for the inevitable irritation written across his face. Instead, she found something else: compassion. Unlike Elijah who had attacked her upon a voiced denial, B calmly respected Ivy's needs and made her comfortable. I can't keep doing this. We are just friends. I can't fix what happened to him by kissing him. If anything, that'll just cause him more heartbreak. He's a good guy, he doesn't deserve someone like me. Again Ivy's mental monster poked its head out from its dark pool of negativity. You got that right! He deserves someone as good as him, and you are far from it. Not only are you fucked up in the head, but now everyone in school thinks you're a homeless slut. Do you really think that's the right kinda girl for him? Ivy could visualize her monster standing with fisted hands on its hips, challenging her to defy it. That was the problem with battling a monster inside your own head; along with knowing all of your weaknesses, it also knew exactly how to trump you.

Defeated in this battle by her monster, Ivy denied herself the peace she could find in B's presence. However, B had apparently grown to recognize these moments for Ivy, for he did not allow her to shut him out. Again he reached out to cradle Ivy's face, this time with both hands. Gently, he held her face as he forced her to look him in the eyes.

"Do not go there, Ivy." His voice was thick with sincerity. "I don't know what happens when you get that far-off look in your eyes, but I do know nothing good happens when you do."

Ivy grew more ashamed, realizing her internal attack of negativity was not as private as she thought. She closed her eyes, unable to tolerate her growing panic.

"Hey," B gently shook her from her retreat. With the strength of Atlas holding up the Earth, Ivy allowed herself to look at B. His playful demeanor was gone, which made Ivy begin to question which side of B was closer to the true him: the mischievous rogue or the serious savior.

B continued, "You are safe here. Whatever your head is telling you, I need you to know that you will always be safe with me." Ivy went to turn her head, but B's hold would not falter. "I don't ever want you to feel like you have to do anything with me if you aren't ready. I told you before Ivy, I just want you in my life, and if that romantic part can't work, then I can handle that." He paused as his stare implored Ivy to believe him. Rendered speechless, Ivy gave a small nod. Satisfied, B released Ivy's face from his grasp.

Slowly regaining her ability to speak, Ivy asked, "But why?"

Running his hand through his mess of curls, B ruminated on the question before he spoke. "I could list everything I find amazing about you," the corner of his lip raising just the slightest in amusement, "but I get the sneaking suspicion you wouldn't believe any of it." He methodically rubbed his hands together as he considered his next words. "So maybe I should focus on your flaws."

Ivy's eyes fluttered in shock. My flaws? The monster inside salivated at the thought of an upcoming feast.

"You may see them as flaws, but I only see them as cracks." When Ivy only responded with a quizzical brow, B continued. "It's like you're a painting, that someone has gone and painted over. Every time I see another one of your perceived flaws, I just see it as a crack in that other painting. And in looking through the cracks I can see the real artwork underneath." He paused, allowing his metaphor to sink in. "The more I see of the real you, Ivy, the more I know I can't go a day without you in my life."