Mr Farouk and mr ajayi

Chapter 2 yussef

Yusseff came across as a person who didn't care about people much and just kept himself to himself. Although this was true he often found  himself feeling lonely .
He was 29 years old no children, no wife or girlfriend, and not a whole lot of family left .
However , yusseff didn't always see his lack of family as a bad thing .
His childhood had been taken up by his parents trying to plant special rules and regulations into him . Things like - Must have children , good job , married , own house , lots of racist views , and definitely not being gay .
This had affected yusseff in more ways than anyone could imagine . He couldn't find any Women he really liked or loved for that matter . He hadn't found the right person to settle down with and have children . And sometimes when he really felt lost , he would end up losing himself in thoughts about being with a man or kissing a boyfreind . He would stare at these huge calved out models and just fantasise about them . And eventually he would realise that this was just a fantasy and quickly move on . That's not to say he didn't enjoy it . It just meant he knew he wasn't supposed to enjoy it .

. . He knew he shouldn't constantly think about this kinda thing , but it often became very difficult to ignore .
The last 4 -5 years especially, he had been looking more into his sexuality. He didn't want any labels yet , but he was quite convinced that he was gay . He couldn't look at women the same way he could look at a man . Calling himself gay ,even if it was when he was by himself , felt so right . but so wrong at the same time . His whole life he was told it was disgusting and wrong , and that's how he felt when he would lose himself in fantasies. He felt wrong . He felt disgusting. He felt like he should hate himself.
And behind closed doors , that's all he felt