A cut deep through rubber. Luffy x Zoro angst.

How long can we pretend?

It's been a few days... and Luffy and Zoro still hadn't talked about it all. They were pretending it never happened, and nobody else had the will power to bring it up... and to be honest? Zoro was kind of glad. He just wanted for things to go back to normal. But... it was weighing on Zoro heavier than his training weights. Zoro was trained to carry heavy weight, but this was mental, and he was struggling with it. Things weren't even close to being back to normal, the crew was quiet and awkward, Chopper rarely left his office, and Luffy spent the days quietly sitting on the figurehead of the ship. Luffy had been eating substantially less, and while it was a good break for Sanji, it was a big concern for everyone.

Near sunset on the fifth day since Luffy woke up, Zoro went over to the figurehead of the ship with Luffy's dinner. It was a few big pieces of meat, and Zoro sat next to Luffy and handed him the plate.

Luffy just looked down at the plate on his lap. It was meat, his absolute favorite, but he couldn't bring himself to be excited. He managed to take a few bites, but he wasn't really hungry. "I'm not that hungry..." Luffy handed the plate back to Zoro, who sighed and took the plate. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, watching the sunset.

"How... How long can we pretend?"

Luffy asked the question quietly, not daring a glance at Zoro out of fear of what he might see etched into the face of the man he loves.

"What do you mean?" Zoro replied, looking at Luffy curiously. Zoro had an aching feeling that he knew exactly what Luffy meant, but was praying that he was wrong.

"How long are we going to pretend that it never happened? That we never fought? That we were never mad at each other? That I wasn't hurt? How long can we pretend that everything's ok, how long can we go without talking about it? Without clearing that mess? How long are you going to pretend that you don't hate me..." Luffy said, throwing his hands up and trying not to cry. Luffy was so frustrated at himself, so angry, he had hurt the people he held dearest. He had hurt his beloved swordsman.

And well, you know how Luffy is when someone hurts his loved ones.

"Luffy, what do you mean? I don't hate you, I never hated you." Zoro said, his concern apparent. It just made Luffy feel worse.

"I wouldn't blame you, you know. You can be mad at me. I'm a jerk. A stupid, stupid, stupid jerk. And I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry... I stressed everyone out, I made everyone cry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry Zoro." Luffy said, his voice quivering and breaking as he started crying as he spoke.

Zoro had never been good at comforting people, and it was another twist of the knife in his gut to see Luffy cry. He pulled Luffy close, letting him let out his emotions and finally allowing himself to acknowledge his own feelings. They sat like that, clinging to each other like a lifeline, for a few moments before Zoro spoke.

"You know, my last relationships weren't exactly... healthy, ya know? My first boyfriend, he went with me to an event for my old childhood dojo, and before the event was halfway done he pulled me aside and slapped me so hard I saw stars. He yelled at me and accused me of cheating on him. I had no clue what he was talking about of course, but he wouldn't listen to me. Three months later, I find out that he had screwed a girl and her sister right before he came to find me. I only found out 'cause the younger sister got pregnant and was demanding to see him." It was tough for Zoro to say it, to drag up those suppressed memories and tell the story. Memories that had kept him tossing and turning and losing sleep for so damn long. But he felt like he had to get this off his chest if he was ever going to get over it. You can't bury an ugly seed and expect it not to grow....

Luffy listened intently, wondering how someone could ever hurt someone like his hardworking, handsome, perfect swordsman. Oh wait. He had. Luffy felt another wave of pain and self loathing wash over him like water, and it felt just as suffocating. But now was not the time for a pity party, his swordsman was so much more important.

"After that, I got a girlfriend... I thought, maybe it was just men that sucked. Maybe I would be more compatible with a girl. So I started dating again, got a girlfriend, thought things would be better, but... she was manipulative, petty, just... awful. After that, I had one more girlfriend. Tried it one more time before I just quit dating all together. She tried to baby trap me after I finally left her for her emotional and physical abuse. Lucky for me though, she was sleeping with like seven other guys at the time and the kid wasn't mine." Zoro gave a small, sad chuckle... he couldn't believe he was actually telling all this to Luffy. All the trapped and bottled up emotions and memories that Zoro had been shoving down for years were spilling over, and he.... For once, he let it happen. He let himself feel it, so he could let go.

Luffy, he... he felt so awful. He didn't want to be another bastard on the list of Zoro's horse-shit exes. God, how was he so stupid? How had he hurt his swordsman? The first person to call him Captain, the first person to truly believe in him, and Luffy had just shattered all that? And for what, because some guy was hitting on Zoro?! God, he was so stupid. Luffy tightened his arms around Zoro, holding him close and attempting to comfort him. Zoro chuckled and kissed the top of Luffy's head, the two holding each other like they needed the other to breathe.

Sorry not sorry this took so long, see ya next chapter 👋😀👍