'Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why not me? Why him? Why not us? Why can't you stay? Why do you go to him? Why can't you like me? Why like him? Why do you choose anyone else over me? Why can you talk to others, but me? How? How? How? How? How can you hurt me so much? How can I get rid of these thoughts? How can you get out of my heart and mind? How can you move on so quickly? How can I forget you? How can you act like nothing happened? What if ? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if you stayed? What if you loved me back? What if I didn't met you in the first place? What if I move on? What if we tried? What if I didn't love you? What if you didn't hurt me?' So many thoughts occupying my mind, never leaving never ending, always there always hurting always crying. Always imagining and creating another life in my head that will never exist because you simply don't love me like I love you.
You hurt me, you made me cry all those nights, you broke me. Or was it me? Was I the one who made you look like someone you were not because that is what I wanted, but you were not? Was it the way you made me feel or did I actually love you? You never loved me I just saw your affection and friendliness as something else something more, because that is what I was giving you because I thought that if I gave you something you were going to returned it. I gave you my time, wasted, I gave you thoughts, you took them all, I gave you my eyes, you made me cry, I gave you my emotions, you made me sad, I gave you my ears, you made me deaf, I gave you my heart, you will forever keep it, I gave you myself, you ruined me.
I refuse to listen to anyone that isn't you, and if someone says something mean or bad about you I shut off that person never talk never listen, all because I think your worth it and you are not bad, your good oh so good for me and only me. My friends say 'this isn't healthy for you, you need to stop' but then laugh, I can't take them serious just like you can't take me serious. I can joke around look happy as if nothing you do or say bothers me, when it does it hurts me when you look at someone else with loving eyes and gentle smile. I am intoxicated my you, I think about you more than I think about myself. You are more important to me than breathing, you are breathing taking, and I mean that quite literally because when you are around I can't move and I feel like I can't breathe my heart races and my stomach does flips.
Can't and wont stop loving you until my last breath, no I am not obsessed or am I? What am I? Am I just in love with the things you made me feel the person I am around you? Or am I just in love with you like actually in love... Feelings have never been my things and never will I don't understand them, it's hard to. I believe I am a terrible person and I'm no good but for you I can and will be why is that?? I don't know myself. People say why do you like her so much? You probably only want to be loved because your own mother can't love you maybe you wanted to be accepted and wanted by someone for once. Maybe I do maybe I'm just stupid. I am stupid can't move on or look at someone else without seeing you in them. I am not a player or a hoe I'm just trying to find you in someone else because I don't want it to be you anymore because you don't wanna it to me you never did.
This is sad oh so sad can't escape this endless cycle, I say oh yeah I don't like her anymore I stopped talking to her. I see you the next day is like when I first saw you, I see your beauty and all of you and I remember all that has happened and how much I love you and want you. I remember how my mood depends on the small interactions we have and how when my friends ask about my love life you're always the topic. Or when they ask why I'm sad you're always the reason. They say 'Oh y/n I'm sorry but don't give up yet there is still a chance' A chance? It's been years yet she still doesn't see me or acknowledge me when I walk past her in her halls or anywhere. She still doesn't text or talk to me because she doesn't care. She leads me on the edge of the cliff and then lets me fall. She doesn't care about me or my feelings.
Don't know how to feel, don't know how to let go, don't know how to love or leave. You make crazy, I can't stop. I will still write you love letters, buy you and make things, I will still be in love. I will still be a fool I will still listen to your favorite songs just so we have something in common. I will still do anything you say, I will still get excited every time I see you. At the end of the day I will always be in love with those eyes, knowing that they will NEVER look at ME.
- Sincerely Y/n
"Yes officer that was the last letter I ever got from her" Sana said as she shifted in her seat, she fidgeted with her small bracelet as she waited for the officer's response "Thank you Miss, that is all we needed to know for know, you can head home and rest I know that this is hard" The man said with a sympathetic smile as he showed Sana the way out.
That night Sana got home and drank until she forgot all about the event, even though she never loved Y/n like Y/n loved her she did feel sorry for her and loved her as friend but never showed it. Never said it because Y/n wasn't for her she wasn't her person. She threw away all of the things she gave her even that beautiful bracelet and ring because those hurt her just to see, knowing that she never wanted them in the first place. She wasn't Y/n's person, she wasn't Y/n's reason to live that is why Y/n decided to just stop living. She was Y/n's reason to die.
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Just something random🤷🏽♀️
