Finally Clean || Seungmin FF

Beautiful Red Paint

!!Trigger warning!!
!!Mentions of Self harm!!
!!Mentions of Rape!!
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Falling Apart ~ Michael Schulte
~
"It's beautiful" He said into my ear.

"What?" I said turning around scared at the sudden presence of someone else.

I didn't realize my sleeve was rolled up.

"the painting, its beautiful." the voice I could now identify as Seungmin stated again.

"Oh thank you," I replied.

"You should show Hyunjin, he also paints" he said looking from the painting down to my exposed wrist. "Whats that?"

he pointed at my freshly red covered wrist.

"Oh I wiped my paint brush on my wrist" I lied, he slowly shook his head.

"There's no red in your painting Y/N" he stated kneeling down next to me. "How long?" he started whispering again.

"I told you its red paint, there is no 'how long' Seungmin" I replied scared that he would tell people.

"Y/N..." His voice was still quiet.

I looked down, "Its nothing I promise"

he looked unconvinced but nonetheless he got up "Ok. if you say so, but just know im here for you, Ill come by here everyday if I need to"

"You don't need to do that"

I wasn't going to let myself get close to him, not after everything. I haven't gotten close to anyone since I was rapped. And I wasn't going to start now.

"Can you leave me alone." I asked harshly.

He didn't say anything, he just got up and left.

"Y/N!!!" I heard a voice call.

What now.

"We're going to the hospital they called something happened." Minho said as I walked down the stairs.

"Did they wake up?" I asked.

"I don't know they wouldn't tell me, Do you want to go?"

"Yes the fuck" I said I had already changed after Seungmin left because I was going to go for a walk. I put my shoes on and walked out with the 8 boys as we walked to the Hospital.

Again with the damn walking, Now i know y'all have cars.

When we arrived we all huddled around the front desk. The lady in the front dropped her face upon hearing our names.

"Lee Minho ans Lee Y/n?" She asked.

We shook our heads as her face dropped drastically.

"I'm so sorry"

She didn't need to say anything else for me to realize what she ment.

Once again my legs went weak and I dropped to the ground. Seungmin wrapped his arms around me. I looked up at Minho and he was wrapped in Jisung's hug crying as well. I haven't seen Minho cry in 3 years.

Everyone was shocked.

"No. No. No. They can't be" I swallowed my spit before continuing, "They can't be dead."

Dead.

I had to accept it, they're gone and I can't fix it. The only thing I could do was cry into Seungmin. I wanted him far away from me but I didn't want him to leave.

The walk back was silent. No one said a single word. We got back to our house and i rushed upstairs.

I locked my bedroom door and slid down behind it. Grabbing the only thing since I was 12 that made me feel like I had control.

It looked so beautiful.

I watched it slide down my arm and hit the floor.
It was like a painting itself.

Red was a beautiful color.

Red paint. Is so magical.

"Y/N?" I heard I knock at my door. It was Minho.

"Hold on I'm changing. I got up and wrapped my arm with painters tape and slid my sleeve back down. I did change my pants and I unlocked the door looking at him.

There were no words, he stood there looking at me until he just hugged me. He started crying into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry" he said muffled into my sweater.

"Sorry?" I said confused. None of this was his fault.

"I couldn't save them Y/N and now you're hurting." He said pulling away from me.

"None of this is your fault Minho, I still love you and I don't blame you." I replied looking at him.

I caught Jisung standing by the stairs in the corner of my eye.

"When were you gonna tell me about you ans ji?" I said looking over at jisung who was now red as ever.

"Huh? oh! That's what I came here to tell you but looking at you I just broke." He said chuckling slightly at how red Jisung was.

Minho never failed to make me feel better, just listening to his laugh enough made me happy.

"Is everyone still here?" I asked

"Yea they're in the living room watching tv" jisung said. he had joined his now labeled Boyfriend at the top of the stairs as I walked down.

I walked into the living room as everyone looked at me with sad eyes.

"Please don't look at me like that, I'll start crying even more." I said looking at chan specifically.

he smiled slightly.

I walked over to the kitchen grabbed a glass of water and headed back up to my room.

Seungmin stopped me grabbing my wrist. I flinched at the pain. Seungmin's gaze turned to very sad one.

"Are you sure your ok?"

"Yes seungmin, you just grabbed my wrist really hard."

he looked at me like I killed his dog. I ignored it and walked back to my room.

"Stop trying to pity me" I yelled from the stairs as everyone looked at Seungmin.

"I'm not pittying you Y/N, I'm just worried."

"Well stop worrying. I've been like this since I was 12 and I don't need help now." I yelled back slamming my door shut.

I sipped my water and started painting again.

I painted to try and stop myself from Cutting myself but It didn't help much. I mean sometimes it did but I still gave in.

I do want to get clean, but how can I do that when life likes fucking with me and making me live in a version of hell.

I couldn't help think about Seungmin, why did he care so much? I can't let myself get close to him, Im clearly a person who attracts bad things.

Seungmin just go away. For both our sakes.