Born to Die || Hunger Games x Reader

What's Necessary

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:
"Quiet Days — WOAH"
01:26 ━━━━●───── 03:21

ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⭑‧₊˚ ⋅ જ⁀➴๋࣭ ⭑๋࣭ ⭑

Y/N POV

"What was his name again?" I ask quietly. My voice is so soft that it barely comes out as a whisper. The question has been on my mind all day while Spindrift slept peacefully on the ground. But now that he was awake I could finally get answers.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Spindrift turn to look at me. "Bullet Cameron. I assume he was named after a bullet train."

I hum quietly, staring up at the millions of stars in the sky. It's so clear here on the plateau. And we're so high up that I can see everything. I was wrong about the Careers — they're in the Cornucopia. But it's okay because there still won't be enough resources for them to get here.

"How are you not cold?" Spindrift asks with a huff of laughter. "It's so windy up here, and you're not even wearing a jacket."

I lay back so that I could get a better view of the stars. "It's refreshing. Makes me feel at peace." Spindrift lays down next to me and after a small silence I speak again. "They're beautiful, aren't they?"

He stares up at the stars. "Yeah, they are," he whispers.

I sigh and think about my time in the arena. About all the people I've killed. How many is it now? Five? Six? Seven? I quickly count them off on my fingers. Eight. I've killed eight people, and that's only if I remember them all.

But how could I forget?

I don't think I'll ever forget killing those people, even if I'm given the chance to. I won't ever forget the satisfaction that I felt watching Emily die. I won't ever forget the enjoyment.

A guilt ridden fear overcomes me. It's not because of the people I've killed, or the fact that I could die in a few short seconds. It's because of the person I have become. A killer. Someone who enjoys watching others suffer.

But is it really my fault? Am I the one to blame for my actions when it was the Capitol who put me in here in the first place? I'm only doing what I must to survive. To survive, killing is necessary. And why should I feel guilty? If they'd had the chance they would've killed me too. It's not my fault that they weren't strong enough.

It's not my fault.

But still, I can't help but feel as though even my justification makes me a horrible person.

"Am I a bad person?" I wonder aloud.

Spindrift takes a few moments to answer. "Aren't we all?"

Before I can respond, Tammy approaches us and lays down next to Spindrift. "Hey, Spinny," she says.

Not wanting to be in her presence I sit up to go talk to Oscar. I honestly really like him — he's a good friend. As I turn to tell Spindrift where I'm going, I notice Tammy reach for Spindrift's hand.

That bitch needs to go.

He quickly jerks his own away and moves it on top of his stomach so that she can't try to grab it again. Deciding that it's best I stay to prevent Tammy from further embarrassing herself on national television, I twist around and call out to Oscar. "Hey, Oscar!" I say, grabbing his attention. "Why are you over there all alone? Come sit with us!"