Snake Eater - THE BRAVO BOYS [book three]

Chapter FIFTY SEVEN

Logan Nash

…over twenty years ago…
~Waco, Texas~

Blue moonlight spills across the soft golden hay, illuminating the barn loft in a serene glow as I stare out the cutout window toward the looming grain silo in the distance..

The slaughterhouse and its shadow now haunt me, chasing me wherever I go.. There isn't a single place on the compound where I can escape its ominous presence, and if there were, I doubt even there I would find peace..

Perhaps I never would again..

“Lo-Lo? Please.. You have to tell me what happened in that awful place.. You’ve barely said two words since The Messiah brought you home..” My sister’s dulcet voice might as well be miles away and underwater for how distant it sounds, muffled and drowned out by the demons of torment that scream in my mind.. “I'm begging you, baby brother, talk to me..”

Every time I open my mouth to try to explain, the doubt and loathing eats at my insides, decaying me slowly like a rotten carcass..
Every time I close my eyes, I see the blood of a holy man blanketing the ground in a violent red..
I still feel the steel in my hand that had ended his life.. And I hear the sinister threats of condemnation The Prophet had made towards the one soul I cherish most, my beloved sister..

His twisted finaal words to me seared permanently into my psyche;
‘You’re punishment, shall be hers.’

For any misdeeds I might do in the future, David had promised to discipline Dixie, until I learned my lesson..

So I can't fuck up again..

Father David believes that I had led Dixie astray, corrupted her path and turned her towards the darkness, and my only chance of keeping her close to me is now clear.. I must follow the doctrine.. I must obey the word of our Messiah and I must keep her from ever confessing the truth of our attempted escape, or she would surely be punished, just as I had been.. Or worse..

“This place–” She sobs, reaching out to tenderly touch my cheek.. Her cool fingertips against my skin cause me to flinch reflexively, since I had half expected her affection to burn me.. I don't deserve it, her love.. Not anymore.. “It's killing you Logan.. We have to get out of here–”

“No!” I snap roughly through a cracked voice.. Turning to face her, I find silver tears streaking her beautiful face, my heart sinking like a stone beneath the weight of her sadness.. “No, Dixie.. Don't you get it? There is no way out! You have to promise me, promise me you won't try to leave again..”

She opens her mouth to protest.. “But–”

“You have to trust me, Dee-Dee..”

“You’re the only person I trust, Lo..” She slips her hand tentatively over mine, squeezing my knuckles tight.. “It's you and me against the world, remember?”

I blow out a quitting breath.. “I'm tired of fighting, Dixie.. I tried but– he beat me.. The Messiah, he's in my head.. I could have killed him– but I was too weak..”

“You aren't a killer, Logan..” She tries to reassure me, but she has no idea how wrong she is or the devil I have become..

“Yeah.. I am..” The lump in my throat hardens as my ashamed eyes fall to the floor.. “I killed Father Matthew, up at the slaughterhouse.. I stabbed him.. I stabbed him until he wasn't a man anymore, and then– I slit his throat.. The fear in his eyes as he lay there, the life bleeding out of him-- I didn't feel bad.. I didn't feel anything.. There's a demon in me, Dixie.. I ain't right..”

Her eyes widen in shock and her mouth drops to a tiny agape ‘O’.. “Oh my Lord..”

The following silence is torture, a pain of judgement and curse that threatens to consume me entirely.. “Do you hate me?” I fight fiercely to blink back hot tears, bracing myself for her rejection..

“Never!” Dixie quickly shifts to her knees, disturbing the hay beneath her as she throws herself forward.. Her dainty arms lock around my neck and she holds me so close I can feel her heartbeat and heat.. “I love you more than you could ever know, and nothing you ever do is gonna change that..”

“But I'm a sinner..” I can't stop myself from crying into the crook of her neck, her apple-shampoo scented hair sticking to my wet cheeks.. “I failed you and the baby.. I failed our family..”

“You ain't done no such thing, Logan Nash..” She kisses my temple, winding her hands through my hair to soothingly scratch softly at my scalp.. “You are righteous and so kind..” She squeezes me tighter.. “You are generous and forgiving..” Drawing back to hold me by the shoulders, she asserts.. “And you are destined to be loved, the way you truly deserve to be loved..”

“You can't know that, Dixie..” I sniff, swiping at my eyes and shaking my head with a mirthless chuckle..

“I can so!” Her effervescent gemstones twinkle and brighten as she leaps to her feet, hurrying over to the corner of the loft where she digs a rusty old coffee can out from beneath the haystacks.. Rifling through her secret stash, Dixie pulls a card from her mystical deck of fortune before rejoining me on the floor of the loft..

Pressing the faded old card into my palm, she smiles at me, hope glowing earnest in her sweet amber gaze.. “I know it in the deepest, truest part of my heart, Lo-Lo.. One day, your butterfly will come and carry you away from all this pain and you will be loved.. It's destiny..”

“Destiny, huh?” Tuning the card over in my hand with a scoff, I stare down at the promise of hope she has given me.. Yet as badly as I wish I could, I don't believe in this kind of witchy magic.. “Ain’t no way a butterfly could save me..”

But Dixie believes, she does with all her heart.. So maybe, just maybe there is a chance her predictions could come true..

But I won't hold my breath..