Skinny Love

Chapter 4

"Are you cold?" He asked me a we walked along the sidewalk. I tried not to be noticeable as I tightened my arms around myself. I was always cold and aching, but I didn't like to bring attention to myself with complaintsnd excuses. I couldn't help the involuntary shiver that ran upmy spine though. And I couldn't help that he'd noticed it either. Looking over to him he opened his jacket and raised his arm in a welcoming gesture. I looked up at him confused at the notion but he just shrugged. "I don't mind if you don't."

I usually wouldn't have stepped into the jacket of a boy I'd basically met that day but it had just started snowing and my layers were starting to lose their effectiveness. So snuggling into his side I immediately felt better. I wasn't sure if it was the heat from the jacket or my feelings about his arm being around me, either way I was grateful.

The weight of his arm was heavy on my shoulders, but I didn't mind holding it up if it meant being tucked under him like this. I'm not sure what had gotten into me, but ever since that damn apple I'd been an emotional mess. It wasn't so much eating the apple, I mean yeah I was pissed about it but I'd deal with that later. But for once I wasn't worried about food. I was worried about him.

How had he figured me out so easily. It was one thing to notice my cuts, I mean, I was half naked, who wouldn't? And it was okay because he had them too. But it was another thing to call me out on my eating habits after only seeing me for a second time. Either he was really experienced with this sort of thing or just really observant. Either way he'd been really nice about it. He'd tried to help me, taking a steady but still gentle approach to trying to get me to eat and for the first time I wanted to do it. For him.

Of course it was hard. Why should I eat? I'm huge, I'm lazy, and I didn't deserve food. But he thought I did. Why did he think I was worthy of that nourishment? He didn't even know me. So why was he so adamant on helping me?

Digging my head into his side I tried to hide my tears. My emotions had gone so out of whack from that apple. I was usually sensitive but I never broke down in front of anyone. Why couldn't I control it today?

"Are you crying?" He asked calmly. "I'm sorry. Was that apple really that bad?"

"No." I mumbled into his shirt. He stopped walking and I stopped too. He slipped the other shoulder of his jacket around me, leaving his arms bare in the cold. Turning toward me he raised his eyebrows in a questioning gesture and waited patiently for me to explain. Damn him. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

He starred at me for a second, his face impassive. Then his chest started to rise and fall in the steady movement of his chuckle. He was laughing at me? He thought this was funny? It was probably because I was so pathetic. I felt my face scrunch up and tears form in my eyes again. I turned my back to him quickly so he wouldn't see me crying again.

I felt his hands on my shoulders immediately, a low hum coming from somewhere deep in his stomach. I knew it was his way of apologizing and for some reason I accepted.

Leaning forward he spoke softly into my ear. "I wasn't laughing at you. I was just thinking of how I sort of wanted to kiss you."

The way he said that like it was a regular conversational line made me smile a little. I felt my stomach flip at the idea of kissing him. Before I could even consider it though, he was speaking again. This time farther away than before.

"I'm not asking though, don't worry."

Turning around slowly I kept my eyes low and had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could even try speaking. "I wouldn't mind really."

I wanted to hide as soon as I said it. Why would he want to kiss me? He probably just said that to cheer me up. Ha, it worked. I felt my head hang lower in shame as my tears continued to fall. Seriously I'd been crying all this time? What was wrong with me?

I saw his hands move forward and I flinched back a step, a reflex from my abusive parents. I just wished it didn't happen then. I peeked at him through my eyelashes but ducked my head back down instantly when I saw he was looking at me. He began to reach forward again, this time slowly and with caution. He put his hand under my chin and lifted it up so I could look into his eyes. I felt my stomach churn again in anticipation and nerves. He moved his hand upward and wiped away my stray tears and then circled a hand around to the back of my neck, holding it steady. Pulling me to my tip toes he brought me up to his lips, kissing me tenderly in a way I surely wouldn't forget anytime soon. It was nothing like the hot hasty kiss we'd shared at my parents bar, it was soft and sweet and it made my stomach flip more than before. I pushed upward on my toes more, trying to get closer to him. He opened his mouth slightly allowing me to enter, but taking me first. I felt his tongue push into my mouth and start wrestling to my own. My head started to spin and I heard a little whimper of pleasure escape my mouth. I was enjoying this. I liked him, why was that?

Slowing down I slowly started to pull away. With one last peck I rocked back onto my heels and looked up at him. He had that same impassive look on his face.

I turned my face slightly so he wouldn't see it scrunch up, but I definitely wasn't happy. Why should I enjoy something that obviously meant nothing to him? Ugh I was so stupid!

He just looked at me for a second then he leaned over trying to find my face. I turned away even more so he wouldn't see how hurt I actually was. I mean we barely knew each other, I had no right really? "You're really sensitive, huh?"

"No," I said sticking my chin up into the air in a dignifying gesture. I would have crossed my arms but he still had his hands on my waist and I didn't really want to break free.

I didn't have to though, he did it for me. As soon as he pulled away I let my hands find each other in front of my lap and studied the ground intently. Feeling embarrassed for hanging onto him for so long.

"Oh no?" He asked disbelievingly. "So you're telling me that if I left right now, you wouldn't be upset?"

I shook my head slowly but kept my eyes fixed on the ground. Whatever. He could leave, I didn't care. The truth was I did care, but god I wasn't going to tell him that! I'd just look at the ground until he disappeared.  

 "Francesca?" He asked kind of quietly as I continued to look at the ground.

"Hmm?"

His answer was a simple kiss on my cheek. It was barely a peck and almost a whisper. It said hello and goodbye all at once. It was a question and an answer, it was a yes and a no. I was confused and excited all at the same time. I felt my stomach flip again, actually more than it did when he actually kissed me. I knew I was smiling and I had a feeling he was smiling too. There was something about that kiss that attached him to me. Even if it was just for that day or  maybe even longer, I knew he'd stay.