Skinny Love

Chapter 2

It had been a week since I'd seen her. It wasn't like I'd been looking for her or anything, I'd had a busy schedule since my freshman year in high school and being a senior did nothing to lessen that load. I was taking all AP honors classes, I lead an ACT/SAT prep course for struggling students, and I was taking my own ACT/SAT prep course for advanced students. On top of that I had football practice and weight training almost everyday after school. So looking for this girl, Francesca was her name, it wasn't really my top priority. After that night I'd given her my number and instructions to call me before after or even in the process of cutting. I don't know what it was, but the thought of her, or anyone I knew for that matter, cutting made me feel sick. I knew it was kind hypocritical to say, but cutting shouldn't be the salvation she found after a bad day or a tough experience. I was guilty of it myself, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. It was a drug, my own heroine, my only escape. I wonder if she felt the same way.

Of course I'd never know. She hadn't contacted me since. I honestly never expected her to call me in place of her cutting. I didn't think my influence was that strong. But I hoped she'd call if she needed someone to talk to. I was the perfect person right? We had shared experiences and some sort of dual mindset...right?

Whatever, it didn't matter anyway. I'd decided to call her earlier that morning, having lost control the night before. Maybe I couldn't talk to her instead of cutting either but I could use her to wash away some of the shame. Couldn't I?

Of course that's not what I was going to tell her when I got on the phone with her. I had a feeling I'd catch her voice mail anyway but if not I'd try to play it cool. As the phone began to ring though, I cursed myself for not just sending a text.

"Hello?" The opposite side of the receiver said to me. Her voice seemed slightly different than the last time we'd talked. Maybe it was the not being in an enclosed room about to be taken advantage of by a guy she'd just met that was making her sound clearer. I didn't know but it was a pleasant change.

"Um hi," I said somewhat out of place. "You answered."

"I could hang up and we could voice mail this no problem." She said. I hadn't really known her that well so therefore I didn't know when she sounded angry or not but now she didn't. That comment didn't really have to be considered rude, not if I didn't take it that way.

"No, that's okay this is better I guess." I felt my hand raise to my head in an attempt to find something to say. What did I want out of this phone call? What had I expected when I dialed her name? Finally torn, I sighed and said. "Do wanna hang out?"

"Why?" She asked without hesitation.

I instantly felt stupid. Well not stupid just rejected. I didn't mind rejection really. I was so used to it it wasn't even a big deal anymore. Shrugging I felt myself slipping into my usual I don't care anyway tone.  

"Uh, I just thought maybe it'd be cool. But don't worry about it really I'll catch you later."

There was a pause and then I heard her sigh. "What, did you do it recently or something?"

"Do what?" I asked

I could basically see her looking both ways and covering her mouth as well as the receiver. I pictured her hunching her shoulders and creating a barrier with her body, as if It'd protect her. Her voice was actually lower than a whisper when she spoke again. "You know. Have cut again since I've seen you."

"Oh," I said thinking of how I should have known what she was talking about. It was the only thing that tied us together after all. I still wasn't very keen on talking about it. "Yeah, um yesterday I guess."

"Okay, but only since it's Friday...I'm not having sex with you though." She added that last part pretty quickly, which made me snort out a laugh.