Deadly Desires

Cheers

"You sure I can't buy you a drink? Maybe four..." Alex suggests as I shoot him a dark look.

Most of Shadowborn knew by now I had recently had a close call with Lotus the other week. After going through multiple questioning with them they had determined I was fit to return to the field. I told all of them I escaped on my own and had been caught because my equipment failed to work.

Both of which were lies and only one person besides me knew it.

Fuck.

Alex was under the impression we were here drinking to celebrate my near escape from death, and maybe that was why he was drinking but it sure as hell wasn't why I was.

No, I was consuming drink after drink in an attempt to flush out her.

Her lips, her tongue. The way she tasted, the way she smelled.

When Ivy walked over to me I was half convinced she was going to slit my throat and I quickly made peace with that. I'd rather it be her than the two vultures across the room.

Instead, she had positioned herself on my lap and every thought in my head ceased to exist, the next thing I knew her mouth was on mine. Up close I realised she smelled like cherries and her lips...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I needed to keep drinking, this wasn't working.

I hated her so much it was beginning to consume me, but I wasn't meant to know this. I wasn't supposed to know what she tasted like, how perfectly she felt on top of me. I wasn't meant to feel anything at all.

She had to go, sooner rather than later. I didn't care if I owed her for saving my life I had to get rid of her and return to my normal life.

I wondered why she did save me, the thought tormented me. Would I have done the same for her? 

I knew the answer to that question.

 My thoughts drifted away from Ivy and I thought of those two girls. My intended killers, and intended rapists. It felt good to kill them, I wished I had more time to drag their deaths out but I needed to get out of the compound. I hadn't felt fear like that in such a long time. 

"Shhh, it's okay Nikolai. Just wait a moment it'll feel good for you. I know you want this. Just wait a moment, trust me."

Bile clawed up my throat and I shook my head, more alcohol. So much more.

"JOSH," Alex yelled, waving manically to our friend. I snickered to myself, Alex had the tolerance of a thirteen-year-old girl. He was already wasted from what I could tell.

Josh glanced at us and sighed. That's when I noticed the woman with him. She was pretty, with dark hair and blue eyes. This must have been the girlfriend Josh told me about, the one who was starting to get suspicious about what he did for work.

The two walked over and I grabbed Alex, "For the love of god keep your mouth shut." I told him and he nodded.

"Nikolai, Alex this is my girlfriend, Emery," Josh said, smiling. Alex waved to Emery and she smiled back at him and shot a nod towards me.

"You two work with Josh?" She asked, with a small smile. She was already doing her detective work. I could appreciate that.

We both nodded in unison and I waited for Josh to fill in, I didn't know what the hell he told her he did for work and I wasn't about to get him in deep shit with her.

And he called me heartless. 

"Yeah, they work with me in tech, though we don't see each other all that much. With all the late nights." He added with a small smile, I glanced back to Emery and she nodded.

My eyes raised to the way Josh looked at her and the way she looked at him, I dropped my gaze lower to the way he held his hand around her waist. He wanted her close, she looked like she was trapped.

She doesn't love him. That was as clear as day to me, though Josh hadn't gathered. He told me the other week he was picking out rings for her. I'd be surprised if she even made it down the aisle.

"Well, we've got a room upstairs so, have a drink for me." He said before leading Emery off. I chuckled to myself as they vanished behind a corner.

"Love is so damn fickle," Alex stated as he gulped down the rest of his vodka like it was water.

"Are you not currently in love?" I asked him, glancing around us.

Alex shrugged and I resisted the urge to smirk, the man was like a puppy dog. He was completely obsessed with his girlfriend. And she knew it, though, of course, she didn't understand just how bad that was.

Rule of thumb - you never want a serial killer to be in love with you, they won't know or care about crossing lines.

"Enough, what about your little girlfriend?" Alex asked, looking at me. I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about Ivy. I couldn't.

I shouldn't have told her the real reason I got caught, it makes me look weak. And if she thinks I'm weak she'll have more things to use against me. She just looked so normal in the store with her grandmother.

I liked her grandmother, I was impressed she managed to detect the Russian accent. I've worked hard to keep it undetected. However, my reason for keeping it hidden was a lie. I don't care about bias or stereotypes.

I couldn't risk anyone tracing me back to my family, or where I came from in Russia. That would get far too messy far too quickly.

"I need to kill her," I mutter.

"Yeah, you've been saying that for a while now, as in over two months ago," Alex said, staring at me. He wanted me to say something else but I wasn't going to.

Alex was the one who would talk about his feelings I never did. I knew how I felt I didn't need to say it out loud.

"She's hard to kill, I underestimated her."

"Bullshit, you could have killed her plenty of times. You could have gotten her arrested so why didn't you?"

Because I didn't want to.

"I have this...thing where I need to kill her fairly. In an actual fight, I don't know why. But it doesn't matter because that's done with. The next time I see her she's dead."

"Let's cheer to that then."