Deadly Desires

Hell

"I don't see why you don't want a kid," Nikolai says, crossing his arms over his chest. I glance at Nikolai and suppress an eye roll. 

Josh stares back at him, "I can't tell if that's a serious question." 

"He's about to be orphaned you know? Since Ivy and I are going to murder his parents I figured rather than leaving him to rot in the foster care system he could go to you." 

I nod along with Nikolai's words, to be honest, I am just happy that Nikolai was capable of caring enough about another human being to go to this much effort. I could admit, dumping Teddy with Josh was a little bit insane but I didn't believe that a child should be punished for the actions of their parents. 

Teddy deserved a chance in this world, genetics wouldn't make him wicked but being raised with Marissa and Dominic would surely twist his pure mind. I knew Josh would make a good father, considering he'd found himself alone in this world after Emery left him for Paris two months ago.  

"How many children have the two of you made orphans? Why the hell do you care about this one?" Josh pressed, dragging a hand over his face. 

My stomach lurched at the thought, of how many families I'd left devastated and ruined because of my job. Empathy and compassion were a curse, Nikolai was right. 

"I met this one, he crawled to me. Come on, Josh," Nikolai asked, he sounded desperate and the rarity of the emotion made my heart falter. 

"Alright, fine murder his parents and then deliver the poor kid to me. But I want to hear nothing about it if I fuck up when raising him." 

Nikolai and I nod in unison and Josh glares at us. I smile, as we all rise and disperse from the cafe. I was still on the run as was Nikolai and we didn't want to get Josh killed or worse. 

We returned to the motel we were staying at when I finally broke the silence, "Do you think you'd want kids?" 

Nikolai doesn't react or say anything for a few minutes and I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have asked him that. He didn't exactly have the ideal fucking childhood. 

"I'd be worried I wouldn't care for them as I should," He finally said, softly. As if he had thought about it himself once or twice. 

I forgot about the psychopathic tendencies he carries. 

"Fair enough," I reply, grabbing the keys in my pockets. 

"Would you like to be a mother?" He asks me, pushing the door open for me as we pass through. 

I don't deserve to be one.

 In what sick world do I get to have a child of my own, knowing I'd robbed children of their parents, even taken people from their families? 

That was just too wrong for me to be able to bear but I had thought about it once or twice. Mostly when I was thinking about my mother. I wonder if I had her in my life if I'd have taken the path I did, it seems inevitable with my grandmother being the retired founder of Lotus. 

I found myself reflecting a lot on my past choices these days, I guess it came with being subjected to torture multiple times and having to face all your demons head-on. And I had so many demons. 

"Ivy," Nikolai said, I looked up and saw my grandmother smiling at me. How she'd even got into our locked room was above and beyond me. 

"We have them, Marissa and Dominic we have them for you. What would you like us to do with them?" 

Such a sinister question, we were talking about two people as if they were objects. Nikolai looked over at me, a silent confirmation in his eyes. 

We'd talked about this, over and over again until my brain numbed. He and I had planned all of this down to the last second. That was all we could do stuck in motel after motel while we waited for Siri or...Iris to make good on her promise to me.