𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑲𝒊𝒅 & 𝑰 - A Billy the Kid western romance

Surrender

I rarely see him still. When he's home he maintains his distance, occupying himself at the opposite end of the building. Dakota braids my hair, sitting on my bed while I'm sat on the floor in front of her. We've begun getting really close, and I tell her everything on my mind.

Just like I used to tell Jane everything.

My heart aches for her. It has been so long since I saw her last. I left her a letter, writing that I would be away for a while. I told her I would be visiting my grand parents, since I don't think I've ever mentioned their passing to her. It hits me that I've been "visiting my grandparents" for about two months now. Hopefully she isn't too worried. Dakota's soft fingers tingle as they run through my hair. 

We talk about the mental consequences of staying in one place for so long, rarely leaving the premises. During our talk I realise that I have become more reserved to the yard than anyone else. I am so fearful of being spotted by the sheriff's men, subsequently unravelling the true cause of Milo's disappearance to them. I won't allow myself to be the reason they finally decide to engage with the camp, and pull us out of our safe haven toward the ropes in the town square. She undoes the braids, brushes my hair with a beautifully detailed silver brush, and the process begins again as we ease our minds. 

"Darling, please let me know if I'm prying, but I can't seem to help myself..."

I nod curiously, allowing her to continue.

"Is there anything going on between you and Billy?"

I was unsure of what to answer, what he would've answered, if he had been asked the same question.

"There's very clearly some form of attraction between you two, but is it serious? Where is it headed?" She clarifies.

"I am so uncertain, Dakota. Some time ago we had a heartfelt conversation, but since then he has said nothing. At least nothing of importance." I mumble, picking my nails. "I think I've just begun grasping how deep the pit he is stuck is. Mentally, I mean."

"I want to tell you something, but can only do so if you promise to avoid spreading it, for I don't think it's something he wants known." She discloses carefully.

I feel my eyes widen slightly, and I struggle to hide the fact that I love hearing secrets. I have always been a nosy girl. When I was younger I used to place cups against the walls to listen in on my parents' conversations, however embarrassing that is to admit. Thankfully I grew out of crossing those unspoken boundaries, but some grains of that girl remains in me.

"He has nightmares. Frequently, I believe. They are not as loud anymore, but they haunt him still. He spoke about them once, but I've heard him before. His walls crumble when he gets drunk, and one time he let me know that he dreamt of people close to him dying. The fates they meet vary. I have a feeling that you have begun appearing in them too; dying. To me it really is no wonder that he is throwing such a battle in an attempt to maintain you out of his thoughts, and I'm sure you understand it, too."

I did. Even if I didn't want to, I did. There will always be people after him, wishing him dead, and like he has told me so many times at this point, no one around him will ever be out of no man's land. You could be a saint, but his presence makes you a criminal in the eyes of the law, and an enemy in the eyes of criminals. His repelling me only proves his gilded heart.

Nonetheless, everything would shift tonight.

I look out toward the gate, where Milo and Kit are standing, facing Bucky. Kit throws his head back in laughter, a thorough laughter coming his diaphragm. Bucky hits Milo on his left shoulder, laughing too. Milo slumps against the fence smiling, and the image reminds me of watching them out the window of our house when they were children. Those boys spent the majority of their time laughing, and some part of me used to be a little jealous that they managed to see so much glee in life. I found great comfort in Jane during the tough times, but when I wasn't with her a faint fog of sorrow swallowed me. 

The sun begins to set as I'm sat by a window inside, appreciating the honey-like light. After a little time, Billy appears of the porch, and I watch him walk past two rocking chairs into the house, when he locks eyes with me through the window.

Suddenly he shows up in the doorway of the room. I tense up at the sight of him, suddenly feeling like a little girl when given her first piece of jewellery, because I realise that he is going to speak to me. Such a reaction to so little makes me feel silly, and I take a breath through my nose to calm my nerves to a reasonable level.

"I have been an idiot" He hurls at me, with soft eyes.

"I believe it's time I face my issues, Venus. I am afraid that I've only been making matters worse for you, by pushing and pulling the way that I have." 

I want to speak, to let him know that it's okay, and that I understand, but he gives me no air to do so and only continues. 

"I think I need you. In every way a man can need a woman, I need you."

My heart skips a beat, and my face stiffens.

"I used to think that you were my greatest weakness, and unavoidably so, you are, but avoiding you won't lessen my feelings. Feelings which I have to admit to attempting to dispose of, but only meeting failure. I can't shake you off of me. Worse than fearing you may fall off my cliff is only the fear for well being when I'm away. All I do is worry, and I can't think straight when you're out of reach."

My body begs for air, and I realise that I've been holding me breath since he entered the room. Unfortunately for my lungs, he closes the distance between us before he continues.

"I have come to realise that partially I was wrong; for you make me stronger, too. I can win any battle one-handed, as long as you are holding the other, Venus."

My eyes pan to his gentle hands. His eyes trail along down to them, before he extends his fingers toward me.

"Will you do me the honour?"

I can almost feel my eyes gleam when they meet his again. His eyes are tender, It's the first time I've ever seen him plead. Our fingertips unite slowly, sending an electric spark hurling along my nerves. 

"I would do anything for you, Billy."