Stupid Deaths of BBC Ghosts

Fanny Button

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths

They're funny 'cause they're true

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths

Hope next time it's not you!

"And say bones!" Death held the camera up in front of him and his skeletal companions. "Happy Death-day Brenda! Right, now we've marked the occasion....No Louie, we're not taking another Skelfie, we've got people waiting. Next!"

An older woman, who looked very prim and proper, walked into the room, her head held high. 

"Good evening, I'm Lady Button." She said, looking down at Death. 

"Right, hello. I'm Death." 

"Death? That can't be your actual name? I don't approve of silly abbreviations."

"Well what's your real name? It can't be Lady Button." Death was taken aback slightly by the rudeness, but he was perfectly capable of being rude in return. 

"That is extremely impertinent, young man!" She exclaimed. 

"Young man? I'm thousands of years older than you!" Said Death, mimicking her tone. 

"Are you?" She looked closely at Death,  "Well you don't look it."

She obviously intended this as an almost insult, but Death certainly didn't take it that way. "Thank you! I moisturise." He replied, grinning. "So, how did you die?"

Lady Button gasped a little, and looked as though she was about to make a comment about the impropriety and scandalous nature of this question, but she changed her mind. He was Death, after all, and he was just doing his job. Her morals about completing a job correctly outweighed the others in this situation, so she swallowed her complaints and began. 

"Well, I suppose it started when I found my husband, George," She coughed slightly, clearing her throat. "Upon the groundskeeper with the Butler, forgive my disreputable language,  upon him. It was rather.." 

Death held up a hand to stop her. "Sorry, my skeleton just said something." He began to whisper to the Skeletons. "Brenda, no, it is not like a sandwich! What do you mean, a manwich? What? Louie, what did you say..? A Moroccan Teaparty? What's that? Oh oh OH. Ok. No more details, thanks...Sorry, Lady B, carry on." He clasped his hands and smiled at her, ignoring the Skeletons beside him completely. 

"My husband, well he..like I said. But once I knew, he was scared I would let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, so he...well...he..pushed me out of the window." She gabbled the last bit, as if saying it quickly would make it less disgraceful. 

Death, yet again, was unsure how to react. The small, slightly kind part of him felt sympathy for her. The rest found it absolutely hysterical. What happened was a convoluted mix of snort, laugh and noise of sorry - which very quickly dissolved into all out giggles. 

"Sorry, sorry," He choked, trying to stop laughing, as Lady Button stared him down, livid that anyone would dare to laugh in such a situation. He stopped abruptly when her glare became so strong that he might've disintegrated. "Sorry." He apologised finally. "I'll just..." He leaned over to the Skeletons, and after a few seconds, returned with the verdict. "Congratulations! You're through to the afterlife!"

"I should think so!" Said Lady Button. 

"Well, bye then." Said Death, waving at her back as she left through the arch. "Well, I'm sort of glad to see the back of her." He muttered. "Next!" 

Stupid Deaths, Stupid Deaths

Hope next time it's not you!

I totally didn't have to use an online thesaurus to find enough fancy words I thought Lady Button might use....anyway hope you enjoyed, until the next Stupid Death!