Trying to live

Chapter 49

I could die from secondhand embarrassment. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I'd given Ahmed an emotional apology - to his stupid robot - and Danny Lawson had recorded it.

I could beat myself up over it, but no .... I had to live with this. How stupid could I be? I used to be Queen of the place, and now I'd degraded myself to apologizing to a robot.

For what?

Because I wanted to be nice? Because I felt bad for Ahmed and his little club? I should have let him hate me.

I sighed heavily when I spotted Cam leaning against my locker.

"Hey," I said. "How long have you been waiting?"

Cam didn't look up right away. His eyes stayed glued to his phone until he registered me standing there. "Oh. Hey. Not long. Mr. Roberts let us go ten minutes early."

I nodded, spun my combination, and dumped my books inside. I told him about my exams and my run-ins with Todd and Ahmed, expecting at least a reaction, but Cam stayed absorbed in his screen.

"Hmm," he murmured absentmindedly. That was weird. Cam was never inattentive. He wasn't like Henry, who'd once given me undivided attention to the point of shutting the world out. Cam was usually the same—attentive, present, never the type to half-listen.

So why was he acting like this?

I leaned over his arm, trying to peek at the phone, but the brightness was so low I couldn't make out much, just movement.

"What are you even watching?" I asked, irritation creeping into my voice.

He blinked and finally looked up. "Sorry. The newest video on the student's Instagram."

That stopped me. The "official" account was supposed to celebrate milestones, but in reality, it was a dumping ground for party clips, embarrassing moments, and random nonsense. No one knew who ran it, but everyone used it.

I frowned. "What's it about?"

Cam grinned. "A student apologizing to a robot."

It hit me like ice water. I blinked once, then twice. "Cam—that's me!"

I know," he said, still grinning.

"Then why are you laughing?"

Instead of answering, he just replayed it. I punched his arm.

"Ow, that hurts," he said, rubbing it. "I'm watching it on repeat because it's so stupid."

He walked ahead, chuckling to himself. I trailed after him, my mood souring fast. Of course, Ahmed wouldn't let me off that easily, but I hadn't expected him to post the video.

"Why were you crying and swearing at the same time?" Cam called over his shoulder, brows raised.

I folded my arms. "I tried to put on a show."

"You look ridiculous," he laughed, turning away again.

I stopped dead. His word stung more than it should have. He probably didn't mean it cruelly, but my chest constricted anyway. Ridiculous. My mom's favorite word when I cried. You're being ridiculous. That's why your father left me.

Cam didn't know that. He just kept walking, oblivious, and I wished he'd feel how much that hurt. But he wasn't Henry. The boy who had once understood everything without me saying a word.

I shook my head and met the others for lunch. I enjoyed their company now-  I laughed at Jake's stupid remarks, small-talked with Wyatt when he actually showed up, and sometimes chatted with the cheerleaders, even Leah, though we mostly traded snide insults. Usually, though, I spent lunch with Priya, my brother, or Cam. The only ones I never spoke to and who never spoke to me were Henry, Juliette, and Franny. And that was fine by me.