Trying to live

Chapter 50

My hollow eyes stared back at me from the mirror. No matter how much concealer I dabbed on, the shadows beneath them refused to disappear. They'd only deepened over the last few weeks. I was grateful no one mentioned them, though I caught myself tugging at the skin, wishing it looked less bruised.

It was nearly 8 p.m., which meant Cam would knock any minute. Todd's party awaited. Surreal still—that both my ex and my current boyfriend would be under the same roof—but I'd grown used to it. Cam insisted we go early to snag a good parking spot, close to Todd's house, since the forecast threatened rain.

It was my birthday. At least, the calendar said so. I didn't feel it.

Cam had sent me a midnight text: Happy Birthday. My heart had hollowed out at the sight of it, wishing—aching—that the message had come from someone else. It still wasn't used to another boy's name flashing across my screen. It had only ever made room for one. The boy who broke it.

I sighed. My heart might've been cracked, but my brain told me Cam was good for me. We'd been dating for two months. Things felt stable, kind. Wasn't that what relationships were supposed to be? Steady, easy, safe? Not electricity sparking in my chest every second? Happiness didn't always have to roar. Sometimes it whispered. Or at least, that's what I tried to convince myself while staring at my reflection.

I slipped into a black long-sleeved dress with hidden pockets, pairing it with black heels. My straightened hair fell flat against my shoulders, my makeup simple—too simple. I hovered over the red lipstick, daring myself, but chose nude instead. Tonight, I didn't want to stand out. I wanted to blend into the hum of teenage chaos, to remember what it felt like to belong.

Cam was already ten minutes late. I shoved a cardigan into my bag when a knock rattled my door. Opening it, the first thing I noticed wasn't him—it was his cologne—a sharp, piney freshness. My chest tightened—Henry's scent.

Of all days, Cam had borrowed Henry's signature cologne. My stomach knotted. He couldn't have known, my rational voice scolded.

"Hey," Cam said, shifting awkwardly in his black button-down and pressed trousers. He looked more like he was heading to a wedding than a high school party.

"Hi." I crossed my arms. "You're late."

He rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry. Scott gave me the big brother speech."

My jaw dropped. "He didn't!"

"Oh, he totally did."

Leaning against the doorframe, I smirked. "What? *'Don't let Em out of sight,' 'no drinks for Em,' 'stay close to her'...?"

Cam leaned closer, lowering his voice. "And... 'don't pressure her into anything.'"

It took a beat before his meaning sank in. My face flamed. "No."

"Yes." His grin spread wide at my mortification.

I groaned, rolling my eyes. Typical Scott. Typical Cam, too—taking it lightly.

"Let's go," I muttered, grabbing my bag.

Before I could push him out, Cam stopped me. "Wait. I got you something."

My pulse stumbled as he dangled a necklace between us. "Your birthday gift. I thought—you always wear the same necklace. Maybe you'd want a new one. Something prettier."

I forced a smile as he pressed it into my hand. "You should wear it now."

Silver. A delicate chain with a tiny crystal stone. Pretty, yes—but my chest caved as I hurried into the bathroom.